


'Till Death Do Us Part

by Flames_and_Jade



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 15:11:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6244693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flames_and_Jade/pseuds/Flames_and_Jade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sacrifice doesn’t have to end in death. Darth Caedus let everyone think Mara died that day in the tunnels, but he knows the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very dark story...that I promise will end with happiness!!!! Please know there are some dark situations referenced, and while I'm going to try to focus on the psychological aspect of it rather than flat-out descriptions of violence, there is a fair bit of bad stuff going on. If that's not your cup of tea, no hard feelings!! :)
> 
> It is a response to the Luke and Mara Index & Discussion board "Back from the Dead”/”No-one-can-tell-us-it-is-au-if-it-is-past-Crucible" challenge over at TFN. The idea was that somehow, Mara comes back after the events of Crucible. We couldn’t change the existing events of the books, so things had to unfold as per Legends Cannon. BUT! Since Disney said that our EU is now “Legends”—maybe this is what actually happened. I chose to add events within the Legends Cannon that could logically have occurred in the “spaces.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** _Italicized_ _text_ denotes direct quotations from _Sacrifice_ by Karen Traviss**

 

 

 

 

45 ABY, Chiloon Rift 

 

Sitting in the cockpit of the small shuttle Lando had loaned him, Luke stared at the small speck that was Base Prime. The swirling gases of the Chiloon Rift swirled around the small caravan of ships that hung in the mists, waiting. 

 

Ben’s voice crackled over the comm. “Everyone ready?” Assents came from the various vessels, and Luke voiced his own with less exuberance than some of the others. “Okay, here we go.” 

 

It took a moment for anything to become visible, but then the effect of Ben’s action became apparent. The charges planted around Base Prime exploded fantastically, and breached the containment field that held the monolith together. Then the station seemed to expand for a moment…and then shrink in on itself, like a black hole, until all that was left was a pulsing glob of molten concrete and metal. 

 

A few moments later, everyone else had jumped out of the system…except for Luke. He sat and stared at the glob that had once been the gateway to the greatest fountain of the Living Force he had ever encountered…and wondered. 

 

Why hadn’t she been there? If the Force was incarnate in the monolith…why hadn’t his Mara been there? 

 

The ache blossomed in his chest—familiar after five years alone. Five years of struggling to breathe, of reminding himself that his heart was still beating, even though it felt like it had been ripped from his chest. 

 

He sighed. Perhaps it was for the best. If she had been there…he doubted he would have left with Han and Leia. He ached to hold her, to hear her laugh, to see her smile. Knowing that all the times he thought she had reached out to him throughout the years had actually been Abeloth had only intensified that desire. What would he give for one more day with her? To not have slept through her leaving? To have taken her on that vacation he had promised himself they would go on after finding Lumiya? To tell her one more time that he loved her.

 

But that wasn’t to be. Mara was dead.

 

 

 

40 ABY, Kavan—Hapes Cluster

 

_The effort froze Jacen for two vital seconds. But he knew if he didn’t get up now and fight back, Mara would come in for the kill, again and again, until he was worn down and too weak to fend her off. He scrambled to his feet, staggering more than standing, and suddenly understood._

 

_It was Mara who had to die to fulfill his destiny._

 

It was so crystal clear to him now. Allana was the one who he loved most, but Ben…Ben was more his son than Allana could ever be. By killing his mother, he would be immortalizing his love for Ben by sacrificing it forever, once he found out that his mentor had taken away his mother.

 

He swung at her again, purpose thrumming through his veins. 

 

_Her vibroblade grazed his neck. He fumbled in his belt for a dart. She jerked back with a massive effort, leaving him clutching a handful of red hair, and the only thing that crossed his mind as she arched her back and held her arms high to bring both shoto and vibroblade down into his chest was that she would never, ever harm Ben._

 

_Jacen stared into her eyes and instantly created the illusion of Ben’s face beneath her. She blinked._

 

 _It gave him the edge for that fraction of a moment._  

 

But in that fraction of a moment, something flashed before his eyes. He saw Ben, kneeling by the corpse of his mother. He saw Luke decapitating Lumiya as she hung over a cliff. He saw the battle of Fondor and Niathal’s betrayal. He saw Jaina, running with Mandalorians down a shadowy hallway. And then he saw Jaina, leaning over him, and _felt_ her heart breaking as she drove home the blade aimed at his heart. 

 

He realized in that second that it all depended on this moment, that Mara’s death would galvanize all these events…and her death would lead to his end. 

 

So he called on the power that flowed within him, and in a moment transformed the molecules of the poison within the dart just as Vergere had taught him. Now instead of being a paralytic that lead to death…it was simply a paralytic. He jabbed the dart into her leg, and she fell.

 

_It’s my destiny, Mara—to be a Sith Lord, and bring order and justice…You’re going to save so many people, Mara. You’ve saved Ben. You’ve saved Allana, too. It’s not a waste, believe me.”_

 

_“You’re…as vile as he was.”_

 

_Jacen could hardly understand what she was saying. “Who?”_

 

_“Palpatine.”_

 

_…Mara was breathing heavily now, one hand slack in her lap but the other still clenching and unclenching as if trying to form a fist to give him one final punch. Her vivid green eyes were still bright with relentless purpose. He knew he would try to forget them every day of his life._

 

_“You think…you’ve won,” she said, slurred, but utterly lucid and unafraid. “But Luke will crush you…and I refuse…to let you…destroy the future…for my Ben.”_

 

The paralytic reached its apex, and she fell unconscious. Jacen hobbled over and stared at her slumped form, trying to think. What was the Force trying to show him? Why would it show him with blinding clarity that Mara was his sacrifice, and then show him just as clearly that she would cause his end?

 

And then he realized… _sacrifice_ didn’t have to synonymous with _death._

 

He knew what the Force wanted of him. He knew what the Force wanted of Mara.

 

“I’m not going to kill you, Mara. I’m going to sacrifice the good in you, the light. You will become the weapon that will crush all those you love on my order. You will be the ultimate immortalization of the Sith legacy. You will be the blade that cuts out the hearts of those I love.”

 

Then he placed his hands on her temples, and blasted her from the Force. 

 

~//~

 

_Ben suddenly couldn’t hear the voice of the Sith sphere. His own name—Ben, Ben, Ben—drowned out every other sound, even though deep in his head, it was quieter than a whisper, a summons and a farewell for him alone. He forgot about Lumiya, and stumbled toward the source of the voice, blinded by tears._

 

_“Mom!” he yelled. “Mom!”_

 

~//~

 

 

_In the cockpit of his StealthX heading for Hapes, Luke Skywalker felt a hand brush his hair, and as he reached out involuntarily to touch it, he knew his world had ended._

 

 

~//~

 

 

Grunting, Mara opened her eyes. The world swam for several minutes as she struggled to bring her head up. Finally she was successful, though her head lolled a bit before she could find the strength to hold it steady. Blinking, she took in her surroundings, surprised that they weren’t the nebulous embrace of the Force in the afterlife.

 

The small room looked like it had been carved from stone with a pickaxe and a hammer. The walls were crude, rough and uneven. At the top of the room, which was around ten feet above her, were deep crevices that seemed to have some sort of plant life growing in them. She looked in the pocked and cracked mirror that had been propped up to her right, and studied her restraints. It was a roughly square apparatus, fastened to the wall and floor of the room, and was filled with what looked like pipes snaking at all angles, like a maze. She had been secured to various points in the maze with metal restraints that dug into her. Her arms were fastened above her head, twisted so as to keep her shoulders at an awkward angle, and her feet didn’t reach the floor, so she hung painfully. 

 

She took inventory as best she could, noting first that she felt like her thoughts were swimming through thick mud in her brain…clearly she had been drugged. Closing her eyes, she began to run through a Jedi detoxification technique and tried to remember what had happened. 

 

Jacen. Lumiya. Caves. Poison. Darkness.

 

Her breathing quickened as she realized that the detox wasn’t working…and then she realized why. 

 

Eyes darting up to the crevices, she saw that they contained not just plants, but animals. 

 

Yslamiri. 

 

Gritting her teeth, she stretched out, trying to find a flicker of the Force, anywhere that the cursed animals Force-void bubble didn’t extend. 

 

Nothing. 

 

And then the door to her left ground open, and the person Mara hated most in the galaxy stepped through. 

 

“Hello, Aunt Mara.” 

 

She tried to speak, but found her throat raw and uncooperative. She hung, glaring, as he brought a small cup with a straw over, and she took a deep drink. The liquid burned as it went down, and she coughed convulsively, her shoulders pulsing with agony. 

 

“Cute little evil lair you have here, Jacen.” She rasped, and he shrugged noncommittally as he replaced the cup on the large metal table next to the mirror. “Just remember Yslamari don’t live forever. As soon as one of them dies—“

 

Jacen cut her off smoothly, stepping back so that he was inches from her. “The Force will rush back in a glorious torrent, fill you with strength and you’ll escape and kill me?”

 

A smirk twisted her bloodied lips, “Pretty much.”

 

He shook his head, almost sadly. “No, it won’t. Because you’re not a Jedi anymore. You don’t have the Force. The next time you feel it, it will be the Dark Side.” He smiled a tiny, self-satisfied smile. “One of the skills that I learned while I was traveling after the Yuuzhan Vong war was how Vergere was able to take the Force from me…and now I’ve done it to you.”

 

She gave him a bored look. “Easy to say when you’re standing in the middle of a ring of Yslamiri. Besides,” she coughed a few more times, “you’ve always been a terrible liar.”

 

Jacen gave her a lazy grin. He reached onto the table, took the blaster from it, and shot four of the Yslamiri. His eyes never left Mara’s, and she felt the beginnings of fear wash over her…nothing had changed. Jacen lazily released the blaster, and it floated up from his hand to be joined by several small rocks that began to spin above his fingers. 

 

“See? The Yslamiri are here for my benefit. Wouldn’t want anyone to feel what I’m going to be doing, after all. But in case you were hoping that you could get out of your restraints, kill the animals, and save the day…you can’t. Because, like I said, you’re not a Jedi anymore. You’re not anything that I don’t want you to be. But someday…someday you’ll kneel before me.”

 

Setting the blaster back on the table, he turned back towards her, oozing nonchalance. She continued to glare as best she could, with one eye swollen halfway shut.

 

“I’ll die before that happens Jacen. I didn’t turn for Palpatine, I won’t turn for you.”

 

The lazy grin remained in place, and for the first time she saw the yellow beginning to take over the soft brown of his eyes. “Oh, but Palpatine never actually tried to turn you, Mara…he just used you…besides, didn’t you say I’m worse than him? I am going to turn you…and I’m the grandson of Darth Vader, the one who took down your old master.” 

 

“You’re forgetting Vader’s son. My husband.” 

 

Jacen’s smile turned predatory. He pulled a data pad from his pocket, and held it out to her. 

 

On it was grainy security footage…it was of Luke, staring at… _her._ She was laid out on a table, draped in a white sheet. He took her hand, and his shoulders were hunched, cowed as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. Then her son walked in, and Luke embraced him as Ben’s shoulders shook, crying like the child he was.

 

Shock filled her as she watched, and a knife seemed to twist under her heart as she saw the pain on Luke’s face, despite the grainy quality of the image. How could she be laying there? How could he not know that body wasn’t her?

 

“You see?” Jacen’s voice interrupted her frantic confusion. “Nobody is coming for you. Luke isn’t scouring the galaxy, senses flung out, searching for your presence. Because you’re dead.” He smirked, “Your funeral is next week.” Sliding the data pad back into his pocket, he walked towards the door, smiling as it began to grind closed. 

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll give Luke a hug for you.”

 

Then the door shut.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The breaking begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna be a bit grisly. If that's not your thing...skip or skim this chapter!

Time moved both quickly and slowly for Mara. She supposed that was the point of torture, when her mind was clear enough to think such things.

 

After first waking up, Jacen had left her in peace for a while, probably while he was off attending her funeral. She had hung on the maze, mind racing, trying to figure out a way to escape…but nothing came to her.

 

An MD droid had tended her wounds—changing bandages, cleansing cuts, applying ointment. Three times a day, every day, another droid would bring her her meals—square, chalky meal cubes and a multivitamin.

 

Jacen had come back seven days after she woke up, much angrier than he had been when he had left. He had beaten her mercilessly, opening up the cuts that the MD droid had toiled to heal, darkening almost every inch of her with bruises and welts. He had screamed that Lumiya was gone, and that Luke had killed her while his fists pummeled her. But when he was satisfied with her state, he had sat on the ground as her blood had dripped from the various cuts, and told her that he knew it would happen. Lumiya had given herself up to protect him, to give him the time he needed to become Darth Caedus. 

 

Mara said nothing.

 

This continued for the next three days, and Jacen would talk to her as she writhed in agony. He had moved several of the Yslamiri, enough to let him touch the Force, and he would drill his words into her brain, using dark side techniques to pound her mind to a pulp, filling it with his words. He told her about the tassels, about Nelani, about Lumiya and her teaching, about how he was going to use the Dark Side to bring Peace, rather than letting the Dark Side use him. He told her about all the missions he had sent Ben on, all the horrible things her boy had done, and how he had taken pains to hide it from his mother. He told her about Vergere and his time in the Embrace of Pain, and about the things he had learned on his travels…

 

Mara said nothing.

 

On the seventh day, he had brought in what looked to be an upgraded model of the interrogator droid used on Leia so many years ago in the bowels of the Death Star. Jacen had hooked it and the MD droid up to a terminal and spent the better part of an hour configuring them, tapping away with occasional sighs of frustration at something happening on the screen.

 

Finally uncoupling them, he turned to her with a sad smile on his face.

 

“You know, if I had the time to go find Zonama Sekot, I would go and bring back an Embrace. I know you’d learn so much from it, like I did. I’m sorry this is such a crude substitute.” He indicated the interrogator droid. “I supplied the parameters for it’s design, once the GAG took power. It’s much more…varied than it’s predecessors. It’s called the IT-2.” He toggled something, and the droid whirred to life, beginning to emit a low hum. “It will keep you as close to a near-constant state of pain as modern technology is able. The MD droid will monitor your vitals and health, and ensure nothing is…permanently damaged.”

 

Turning to the terminal, he clicked something. His voice began to emit from the speakers, playing the beginnings of his previous discourse on the Dark Side. 

 

“And here’s something to listen to. The MD droid will still feed you, and will contact me if the interrogator droid stops for any reason, or if something life-threatening happens to you. Otherwise, I won’t be monitoring what’s going on in here until I come back…so feel free to cut loose.”

 

Mara said nothing. 

 

Then Jacen strode from the room, the door ground shut, and the interrogator droid whirred towards her.

 

She made it four days before she started screaming.

 

 

During one of the short breaks afforded by mealtime, Mara tried to reason with the MD droid. 

 

“Surely your programming goes against this. You’re supposed to heal people, not hurt them!” 

 

The droid turned its dim yellow eyes to her, and sorrow seemed to tinge its mechanical voice. “I was…altered. Your assumption of my original programming is correct, but I have since been modified by Master Caedus to monitor a patient’s health during torture. It is a sad abuse of my skills…but it is my purpose now.” He placed the last protein cube in her mouth, and when she had finished chewing gave her a drink. Lowering the cup, he began to turn away, but stopped and looked at her once more. “I am sorry.”

 

Then the pain resumed, and she started talking to Luke again.

 

~//~

 

 _(_ Captivity, Day 8) _Luke! Luke, where are you? I’m not dead, dammit!!! Come kill your crazy nephew and save me. I’m here, I’m alive, I need you. Jacen is going insane, at least you killed that piece of Hutt slime that he calls his master…but I’m really over this captivity thing. And it. kriffing. hurts. Jacen has a lousy punch, but hey, persistence will beat quality any day…_

 

(Captivity, Day 15:) _Skywalker, I’m really over your stupid butt saving everyone but me. Jacen told me in-person about you striding in to save him when the Vong captured him on Belkadan. He told me how you strode in with two lightsabers and kicked major butt. I remember you told me the story, but you definitely downplayed your Hero Jedi Master thing. It’s time for you to do the same thing for me. I mean, maybe it’s selfish that I think you’d expend a bit more effort for your wife and the mother of your son, but I think it’s justified…anytime would be good. Please, please come save me. I swear, I’d take you hobbling in on a hover chair as long as you get me the hell out of here. Please hear me, Luke, please…_

 

 _(_ Captivity, Day 23) _He’s still gone, Luke…and they’re not stopping. I thought he’d come back and taunt me some more, or he’d program the interrogator to give me a break…but he didn’t. It hurts so much. I didn’t know that I could hurt in so many places, in so many different ways. I’m exhausted, I’ve only slept in short bursts, but when I’m asleep I dream of pain. The best is when I pass out…but as soon as I wake up, it starts again. I just want it to stop._

 

 _(_ Captivity, Day 29) _It’s been working on the soles of my feet for the last few hours, Luke…I don’t know I’ll ever be able to walk again. I wish it would do something else, to some other part of me, but I know it will hurt just as much…make it stop. Luke, please come and make it stop. I swear, I just want to sleep, I just want you to hold me. I just want you to tell me it’s going to be alright, that I’m not going to be here forever, that you’re going to find me, that you’re going to kill Jacen. My throat hurts from screaming, but it feels like all I can do, is talk to you and scream. Please, Luke, I’m begging you. Make it stop. Please…_

 

 _(_ Captivity, Day 31) _Luke…Luke…please help me. Please. Make it stop. Luke….Luke….Make it stop. It hurts. Make it stop. Luke….Luke….._

 

 

_~//~_

 

The door ground open, and Jacen stepped in. He surveyed the room, the blood spattered on the floor and on the maze, and with a flick of his fingers, the interrogator droid switched off.

 

Mara’s head did not rise; she hung limply from her restraints. The only sign she was still alive were the short, gasping breaths that seemed to pull themselves from her lungs. Stepping to her, Jacen lifted her chin. Her hair was matted, and hung in sweat-caked curls around her face. One eye was black, and her lip swollen where it looked like she had bitten it. Her good eye opened, and stared at him glassily. 

 

He grinned tightly, and then released her head. It flopped back down. 

  
“Clean her up and give her some pain meds.”

 

~//~

 

After the MD droid finished bandaging her wounds and washing away all the caked on sweat and blood, Jacen returned. Mara was now draped in a nondescript hospital gown that had oddly colored stains on it. She idly wondered where Jacen had gotten it. _Maybe he stole it from a corpse…wouldn’t surprise me._

 

“I’m going to take you out of that. Will you give me your word you won’t try to fight? Or do I have to drug you again?” She said nothing, and he shrugged and started towards her. Almost tenderly, he released her restraints, first her feet, then her waist, then lastly her arms. She fell onto him, and he gathered her up and rose. She tried to push away from him, but he tightened his grip and she cried out as wounds re-opened and bruises flared to life. 

 

“None of that, Mara. You’re in no shape to even stand, much less fight.” The door opened and he took her through, setting he down in a identically-sized room to the one they had just left. It’s only contents were a table, two chairs…and food.

 

Jacen set her down in one of the chairs and fastened her wrists to a set of binders joined to the table with a meter-long chain. He scooted in her chair politely, and then moved to the opposite side of the table and took his own seat. 

 

“Eat.” 

 

The word echoed in the room, and Mara sat rigid, succeeding in staring only at him, not at the food. She kept her back straight, even though it caused several areas the interrogator droid had focused on to scream at her in agony. 

 

“No.” 

 

Jacen looked exasperated. “Mara, it isn’t poisoned. Trust me, if I wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t have bothered bringing food back from Denon. I know the droids didn’t feed you today, and you need food, so eat.” His eyes flashed their sickly yellow. “Or I’ll make you. Your choice.” 

 

She kept his gaze for a moment longer, and then lowered her eyes to the plate. The food smelled delicious, and it had been so long since she had eaten anything but protein cubes. Her hands shook as she picked up the utensils and began to eat…the chains from the cuffs the only sound in the room. 

 

Once they had finished, Jacen stood and took her plate, depositing it in a square trash receptacle behind his chair. Returning to his seat, he folded his hands on the table and considered her. 

 

She looked horrible, he had to admit. Dark circles ringed her eyes, hidden behind the bruises. Her hair hung limply around her face, and he could see the sharp prominence of her cheekbones. But her eyes were just as bright as the day she’d woken up, and even without the Force, he could see the hatred. 

 

“You know, if you just give in to that hatred of me, this will all be over. No more pain.”

 

She said nothing. 

 

He sighed. “Mara, believe it or not, I don’t want to keep hurting you. Can’t you see the truth of what I’m saying? Think of what we could do together, to keep the galaxy safe?” Her green eyes bored into him. “Or how about this? What if I told you that if you willingly turned, I would leave Luke and Ben alone. You know Ben is my apprentice now…he’ll do anything I tell him. He’s starting to waver, I can sense it. All that pain, all that sorrow over losing you…before long, he’ll be standing here with me.”

 

Mara’s fist came down on the table, the sharp _bang_ reverberating around the room. She was breathing hard, and one of the cuts on her neck had opened, and blood was slowly seeping down to the collar of the gown.

 

“I will not turn, and neither will my son. If you so much as touch him, I’ll—”

 

Jacen smiled. “You’ll what, Mara? You can’t even stand. You’ll do nothing, because you’re dead. You’re helpless. Your son is lost to you, and he’s holding tighter to me than ever. I’ve replaced you.” He held her gaze for a moment longer, and then stood. 

 

“Well…I gave you a choice. Back to your home, Mara. I’m sure IT-2 is missing you by now.”

 

He picked her back up, and Mara was proud that she deprived Jacen of the whimper trying so desperately to escape.

 

~//~

 

This time, Mara only had to endure a week under the care of the IT-2…but she wasn't alone. While the droid made her body sing with agony, Jacen ravaged her mind. She started resisting by thinking other thoughts, happy thoughts. But to her horror, Jacen began simply plucking them away...pulling the memory from her mind and leaving only screaming whiteness. Terrified of losing everything, she began to try to think the way the Emperor had taught her, all those years ago. Without the Force, her mental barriers were only marginally effective, as Jacen could sweep them away with a casual thrust of his mind, leaving her scampering for a new mental stronghold. In the end, it turned out to be more exhausting than it was worth. 

 

So she retreated to the most basic action she could to stave off the agony...repetition. She sang Ben's favorite lullaby over and over and over in her head. When Jacen picked up on that, he ripped it from her mind, and so she began repeating the multiplication table. As she felt him start to pluck at her, she gritted out,

 

"Careful. You don't want an acolyte who's unable to to do basic math, sithling.”

 

He growled and left her to her recitation...but only intensified his mental onslaught. 

 

 

~//~

 

 

Jacen sat back, gasping, and reflected that at least if he was tired, Mara had to be demolished. She hung limply from the restraints, seemingly unaware of the blood slowly dripping from her wrists where her struggling had chafed the skin from them. Her breathing was shallow, almost non-existent, and he stretched out with the Force to be sure she wasn’t in any danger. But she was simply…existing. No thoughts rippled on the surface of her mind, nothing but the aftershocks of what he had done to to her. 

 

Shaking his head, he rose with a deep breath, and told the MD droid repeat its regimen, cleaning her, bandaging her wounds. Then they ate again, and Mara sat in silence. Jacen stared at her for a long time, but she refused to meet his eyes, and just savored the feeling of not hurting. 

 

Shrugging, he stood and went back into the torture room. She began to move her hand towards the binders, searching for the release mechanism. 

 

“Don’t even think about it, Mara.” His voice floated in as an invisible hand pinned her wrists to the table, and she growled in frustration.  

 

Returning, he picked her up, and carried her back. This time, the mirror had been moved, and a previously hidden door lay open. It was dark. The entered, and Mara was placed on a cold steel table. Jacen secured her right wrist to a restraint at the side of the table…and she struck out at him, her left fist flying up and catching him what felt like the mouth. A surprised grunt was her reward, and her arm was crushed against the table, and she thought she felt something snap. After a long moment, Jacen wiped his fingers along her lips, and she tasted blood. 

 

“Good try. I won’t forget that.”

 

He moved away in the pitch blackness to secure her ankles. Then hands grabbed the neck of her gown and ripped it away, leaving her naked, the cold metal of the table biting into her. Bands were wrapped around her hips, shoulders, and head, and then secured to the table…leaving her immobilized. Something sharp jabbed her arm, and she hissed as Jacen’s voice floated in the dark.

 

“I’m going to leave you here in the dark…alone. That was an IV…no more food for you, it will provide you with everything you need to stay alive. 

 

She heard a whisper of cloth, and the sound of clasps being undone. 

 

“But I realized, there’s one thing that is worse than all the torture I could heap on you…”

 

~//~

 

Now she had no way to mark the passing of the days….but she knew that she had been alone for a long, long time. Nothing changed….her muscles would cramp occasionally at the disuse, and she tried for the first few days to flex her toes, and move as much as she could. But pretty soon, that proved to be useless…and she just floated. Every so often, the 2B droid would come in silently and flip her over. It seemed the table was hung between two sets of swivels, so it could flip around so that Mara hung underneath it. She understood then, the purpose of the extra straps. Then, an undetermined amount of time later, she would be flipped back over. 

 

She thought about Ben, wondered if he was safe, if what Jacen was saying about him was true. Worry would grip her heart in those moments, and she would sent a silent plea to the Force to keep her boy safe. She thought back to him as a baby, she relived each moment she could remember, and silent tears ran down her cheeks as she found only emptiness where Jacen had ripped memories from her mind. She thought about Leia and Han, and if they had realized yet that their last son had turned into a monster, but her heart ached for them as she imagined what she would do if Ben went dark…and realized that she would probably be guilty of the same actions. She thought about Jaina, and wondered how Jacen was hiding his actions from his twin…the person who knew him better than anyone in the galaxy. 

 

But most of all, she thought about Luke. She thought about all they had been through together, all that they had endured to finally find each other…and now he thought she was dead. She wondered how he was doing, if he was adjusting, if he was alright. But she thought about _him_ the most. The color of his eyes, how they would twinkle when he smiled or glow in the darkness when he would kiss her. The way his hair still glinted in the sunlight, even though now it had streaks of grey, or how it was perpetually tousled and adorable in the morning. She thought of him kissing her, of the way his lips moved softly over hers. She thought of the way they made love, of the Force echoing between them as they flowed between themselves and it became impossible to tell where he started and she stopped. She thought of the way he would smile at her, a quick tuck of the corner of his mouth, when she would mutter comments under her breath so only he could hear during council meetings. 

 

More than anything, she thought of him rescuing her. Of him sweeping in, the restraints releasing with a whisper of thought…and then him sweeping her up, wrapping his cloak around her, and holding her close.

 

And she tried desperately not to think of Jacen’s last act before leaving her in the dark.

 


	3. Chapter 3

An eternity later, the light blinked on in the room. Mara gasped, jerking in pain as it hammered into her eyes and seemed to drive a red-hot spike into her temples. Even with her eyes closed, it was painfully bright. 

 

Jacen strode in, anger working his features into a mask of hatred. She blinked at him, looked him in his burning yellow eyes and willed herself not to look away. 

 

A needle jabbed into her arm, roughly…and she began to feel lightheaded. The room swam before her, and Jacen became hazy as her thoughts began to move sluggishly. She heard the _clack_ of the restraints releasing, and realized she couldn’t move. He picked her up and carried her limp form out of the room and back…back to the maze. 

 

Mara’s breath hitched as he used the Force to push her back onto it, and the restraints tightened around her. She hung painfully from her wrists and ankles, the maze tilted forward slightly so gravity pulled her against her away from the restraints. Jacen put a sleeveless smock over her head and tied it behind her, and she wondered distantly why he bothered. 

 

Jacen finally spoke the first words since he had brought her out. 

 

“I know what I’m going to do with you, Mara, and I know how I’m going to do it.” His teeth glinted like a predator’s as he grinned at her. “You are going to kill Luke, because no matter what, he will never, ever harm you.” 

 

Her voice was harsh, rough with months of disuse. “…Keep…dreaming…Sithling.” 

 

He grinned. “Oh, but I know how I’m going to make you do it. I’m going to make you hate him.”

 

With that proclamation, he strode from the room, closing the door behind him. Mara tried to twist her head to look at the restraints, wondering if a miracle had happened and she could find a way out of them…but the drugs impeded her attempts at movement. She heard noises…it sounded like the _snap-hiss_ of a lightsaber…

  
And then _he_ walked in. 

 

“LUKE!” Her voice was somewhere between a whisper and a cry, but she felt the agony that had coiled around her heart for the long months begin to melt away. He smiled at her, blue eyes filled with care and and love as he rushed to her…

 

And then his fist struck her in the stomach. 

 

The air left her lungs in a rush and she retched, trying in vain to curl into a ball but the restraints held her. Something like a wand appeared in Luke’s hand that hissed with the static of electric discharge, and she saw his features were contorted with rage and hatred. His voice was _wrong_ , it was filled with vitriol and spite.

 

“You _left_ me. You left me _alone._ Look what I’ve become, and it’s all because of you.”

 

Tears burned her eyes as her mind reached for an explanation, for what in the galaxy was happening. “Luke, Luke I didn’t, what—“

 

The thing in his hand connected with her flesh, and she began to writhe as the current burrowed its way under her skin, making her muscles contract and her nerves burn.

 

“ _This is all your fault.”_ It connected with her right shoulder, the current making the muscles in her neck spasm so that her head was thrown back against the maze with enough force for stars to explode from behind her eyes. She could smell her skin charring, and the tears falling sizzled as they made contact with the wand. When it pulled away, and her head dropped back down, inches from Luke’s. She wanted to look away, but the drugs made it impossible to move…he took her chin in his hand, and used the Force to compel her to open her eyes and look at him. 

 

“Please.” She tasted blood in her mouth, but she barely noticed. All she saw was the feral grin twisting her husband’s face…and then Luke burned the words into her mind as the wand burned her body…and her heart broke.

 

“ _I hate you.”_

 

 

_~//~_

 

Jacen stayed for seven days. He would send in dark side copies of Luke who would hurt her for hours. She had figured out on the second day it wasn’t really Luke…but that fact did nothing to dull the agony, or the fear that was beginning to build in her heart alongside the joy whenever he walked in.

 

And then Jacen would come in, and what he did was far worse.

 

In-between, she would try to think about _her_ Luke, about his kindness and his easy smile. But it became harder and harder as the Dark Luke’s actions started to merge with her memories.

 

But then he left again, and she was left in the dark again, strapped to the table, with nothing but her fears for company.

 

_~//~_

 

Jacen considered the stars, tiny points of light against the endless blackness of space. He had woken up that morning, settled in his bunk on the _Anakin Solo_ with a feeling that the next…leg of his life was beginning. The next chapter was about to open. Something was about to happen.

 

He also had the strong feeling that he needed to wrap up the loose ends in his life…and the biggest loose end was Mara.

 

For a long moment, he considered just pressing on with his plan…but premonitions had never been a good thing to ignore, in his experience. As Vergere had taught him first, and Lumiya had instructed him further, he began to weigh the options in his mind. Part of the responsibility of power was knowing how to look at all the options, and then find the best one to pursue. Weakness took the first solution that appeared. He could kill Mara—that would certainly be a good way to completely eliminate any ambiguity. But he discarded that idea—the Force had shown him her future, and he was doing his best to bring that future to life, so to discard all the work he had done over the last months was foolish.

 

He could leave her as she was, take a large shipment of protein cubes and simply depend on the droids to feed her daily. Without the Force, the probability of her escaping was very slim—it was an uninhabited asteroid, after all. But he disliked the even the slightest possibility of a problem, so he set that idea aside as possible, but not ideal.

 

A Force trance of some sort was another option…but it held the same issues as feeding her. Something unforeseen could happen and she could wake up and escape. She had been the Emperor’s Hand after all…he wouldn’t put it past her. 

 

For a long moment, he sat and stared out the viewport at the stars as they slowly drifted by…until the perfect option came to him. Pulling his comlink from his belt, he keyed it on to his assistant’s frequency. 

 

“Get me one of the stasis pods from medical, and load it onto my shuttle immediately.”

 

_~//~_

 

Offloading the stasis pod was an easy task for someone with the Force. Programming it, connecting it to the generator, and fiddling with the 2B’s programming yet again to make him able to monitor it’s status was a bit more of a challenge…but he figured it out. 

 

Preparations complete, he moved to the door of the dark room. He smiled, thinking of the silence screaming at Mara for so long, and hoped yet again that whatever this new chapter the Force was opening to him, it would conclude quickly so he could get back here and complete his task.

 

Pushing open the door, he flicked the light on. Mara flinched again as the light assaulted her eyes, blinding her for a long moment as her pupils struggled to adjust to the sudden brightness. Taking that opportunity, he undid her restraints and took the syringe full of preparation drugs and a little something extra and stuck it into her arm. It was pocked from many injections of various types, as well as the burn scars left from Luke’s treatment of her. He heard her sharp intake of breath as the needle slid into her skin, but she said nothing. Offhandedly, he wondered what it would take to break her considerable will…but turned his mind to the task at hand as she began to fight against his hold as he picked her up and carried her out. 

 

He laid her in the stasis pod, and almost enjoyed her struggle. She fought against him, but with the Force to pin her down, it was easy to settle her into the conforming body cavity, though she continued to push against him weakly. 

 

“How long are you going to keep me in here?” She was beginning to breathe hard from the drugs he had injected into her. “Why are you doing this, why now?” Her words began to slur as the psychotic began to take effect.

 

“It doesn’t matter why. You’re going to be frozen in time…nothing will change, you’re body will stay nearly exactly as it is right now. So you’ll be ready to go when I get back.” 

 

He seemed to pause, and stared into the distance. When his eyes came back to her, they were yellow…feral, burning, and evil.

 

“Can’t have you just napping while I’m gone though…so…enjoy the dreams, Mara.”

 

That was the last thing Mara heard before he blasted her into an endless nightmare.

 

_~//~_

 

_They were sparring, blades flashing like green and blue lightning. Luke had always been just a tiny bit better than she was, but she felt like today might be the day that she won. They parried and deflected, dancing around each other like fireflies in the night. Their bond sang with the best kind of camaraderie, tension and teasing, as both dared the other to try harder, fight faster, to win. But then something changed, and it was like someone’s hands were over hers, pushing her movements impossibly fast. Luke’s eyes flicked to hers as he was forced to take the defensive, and confusion trickled into their bond. “What are you doing?” She tried to speak, tried to say something…but no words came out. Then it was like her lips moved of their own accord, words she would never say flowing out, “I’m killing you. Like I should have all those years ago.” She swept her leg and caught his, dumping him onto his back. His lightsaber fell from his hand, the blade whispering away into nothingness. She couldn’t look away, couldn’t see anything but his eyes as the invisible hands pushed her lightsaber down towards his heart…._

 

_She was holding Ben, just after the end of the Yuzhaan Vong war. He was sleeping peacefully, head pillowed against her chest, still clutching the toy speeder that was the center of his four-year-old world. She smiled as she began to sing to him softly, a lullaby that seemed unfamiliar, even as the words tumbled from her lips…and then she realized she was singing about the dark side, about chaos and death and pain. Ben’s eyes opened, and his eyes burned with angry fire, and she felt an invisible hand close around her throat. He began to laugh as she gasped for air…_

 

_She was walking through the Wild Karrde, its corridors as familiar to her as any place she had ever called home. She walked onto the bridge and a frown creased her lips. Why wasn’t anyone at their stations? This was not how they ran things on this ship. Then she saw the blood seeping along the floor, and she realized that the bridge_ was _occupied…with corpses. A choking noise grabbed her attention, and she ran towards it. Karrde was crumpled next to the Captain’s chair, a gaping wound seeping bright red blood from his abdomen. He coughed, and more blood spilled from his lips. She dropped to her knees, begging him to tell her what had happened. He looked into her eyes, and she saw betrayal. “You were like a daughter to me. Why would you do this?” And then his eyes rolled up into his head…_

 

_Luke was sitting next to her at the seashore. The sun was smiling down on them, and she felt peace lapping at her like the tide. They stared out at the water together in silence for a long time, until he turned to her and started nibbling her ear. Pushing her down gently, he eased himself on top of her and started to kiss her neck. She smiled, moving her head to give him better access. And then he bit her, hard. She gasped and pushed him away. His lips were red with her blood, and shock thundered through her as she looked into his eyes. They were yellow, like smoldering fire. He smiled a predatory smile at her, and licked the blood from his lips with the grace of a prey beast. Then he began to hit her, laughing as each blow left its mark on her skin…_

_~//~_

 

2B turned his glowing eyes to the displays. He was not programmed to feel boredom, or loneliness, but he could not deny that the distinct lack of…variety caused him to have strange flutters in his operating system. It had been a nearly five years since Master Jacen had left, and he had checked the various readouts on the stasis pod every four hours per his instructions. He had done as best as his programming would allow to optimize the stasis, to ensure that it was proceeding with minimum degradation and optimal health maintenance for the subject. He knew that he was not allowed to give her any medications to promote healing, or to use the brain wave stabilizers to reduce the nightmares she was having…Master Jacen had been very explicit in those instructions. 

Turning away from the status board, 2B began another self-diagnostic check on his systems, and turned his attention to the only other thing that changed on the slowly-rotating asteroid. 

The crack that had begun forming 168 days ago on the ceiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last hurt!Mara chapter for a while...I promise things will start looking up soon!


	4. Chapter 4

 

_The crack that 2B had been observing wasn’t just a crack…it was a fissure. The hollowed out asteroid had a control station that monitored for such things, and had been broadcasting status updates on a highly-encrypted, narrowband frequency to Darth Caedus for almost a year as the crack widened, became a fissure…grew._

 

_But nobody was listening. The 2B droid had not been programmed in how to modify the signal’s range, or how to place a call on the military-grade communication suite. He wasn’t afraid of his impending doom—he had enough knowledge of basic physics to understand that eventually the fissure would widen to a point where explosive decompression would suck him out of the asteroid, and he would float in the space between worlds until his power cells ran out._

 

_One day, it fell. The artificial gravity had kept such a downward pull on the cracked section that it simply separated from the rest of the rock, leaving the asteroid’s surface intact. It plummeted down…onto the stasis pod._

 

_~//~_

 

Mara jolted awake with a gasp.

 

The first thing she felt was pain. Her right leg was on fire, broken and screaming.

 

The second thing she felt was relief. The nightmares were over. She didn’t know how long she had been in stasis, but it felt like an eternity…and that eternity was done.

 

The 2B droid’s metallic face appeared above her and she reached out with the Force to hurl him away…but nothing happened. She tried again, _pushing_ with all her strength…with no result.

 

Disorientation pulled at her, and she fell back into the stasis pod’s moulded interior. Part of her wanted to just fall asleep, and sleep this time without dreaming. The other part of her wanted to be _free_ …and that part of her won. Her fingers felt shakily along the seam of the pod’s clear cover, until she felt the locking mechanism. The cover had warped just enough that she could feel the pieces, and she pushed against what she hoped was the tumbler.

 

She was rewarded with a _click_ and a soft hiss as the pod cover released. The 2B helped her from the pod, and she cried out as she put weight on her leg. It helped her to sit on the table, and then turned away, shuffling towards the door. Mara picked up the blaster sitting on the table, and squeezed the trigger. 

 

The 2B’s head exploded in a flash of light and burned circuitry. She tried to fire a second shot, but the blaster seemed to gasp and beeped at her a low-power tone. 

 

Mara breathed what seemed like the first deep breath since waking up. The logical part of her brain told her the the 2B had only been acting in accordance with the programming Jacen had loaded into it. But that part of her brain was not what was cheering now, seeing the only other willing party to all the torture she had endured no longer functioning.

 

Looking around the room, she tried to push away the fear that shook her as she saw the maze, her mind flashing back to writhing against it helplessly. Taking another deep breath, she took stock of her situation.

 

Physically, she felt exactly like she would have expected. Jacen had told her that she wouldn’t heal, wouldn’t change…and judging by the pain slowly overcoming the surge of adrenaline that had filled her when she woke up, she decided he hadn’t been lying. A quick glance in the mirror showed that she looked about as horrible as she felt. She wondered how long she had been asleep.

 

The room looked the same as it had before she had been put under, except for the sizable chunk of rock that had fallen from the ceiling and lay on the stasis pod. _There has to be a generator somewhere…otherwise there wouldn’t be power, atmosphere. That’s where I’d put any communications._ She climbed down from the table and crawled, painfully across the floor, trying to avoid putting any weight on her lower leg. 

 

She crawled through the room with the table and two chairs, and through the adjacent door, and found what she was looking for. There was a generator, an atmosphere unit, and—almost like an afterthought—a comm unit. 

 

Relief washed over Mara as she saw it and made her way to it. Pulling herself up, she leaned against the wall as she tapped the keys…and her heart sank. The comm system had limited range, probably only able to broadcast on intra-system frequencies. There was a pulse beacon that was transmitting…but as she looked at the technical specifications of the signal, she realized she had no way to decrypt it with the tools she had on hand. But then her eyes landed on the date at the upper left of the screen and she clutched the edge of the unit as she began to tremble.

  
_Five years._ She had been gone for  _five years._    
  


A long moment later, she forced herself to focus on the task at hand...so she did what she could for the moment. She keyed a standard S-O-S on all the frequencies she could access…and sank to the floor. Her last thought before the combination of pain and exhaustion dragged her under was a prayer that someone would find her…wherever she was.

 

_~//~_

 

Double checking the seal, Kyte pushed open the hatch and began to pull his way through the docking umbilical. He reached the small hatch and pulled it open, shutting it behind him and pressing the environmental system to cycle. Atmosphere flooded the tiny chamber, and he took off his helmet after checking his arm sensors. 

 

“Looks like atmosphere is good. I’m heading in now.” The standard two-click acknowledgement came back from his shipmates, and he cycled the next lock. 

 

He came into the room with a table and two chairs. He headed towards the right door, and stopped when he saw what was in the room.

 

“Ummm…you guys seeing this?” He held his helmet out in front of him so that the camera could transmit what he was seeing.

 

“Yeah.” Vern’s voice came back slightly wobbly, and Kyte coughed as nausea threatened to overtake him as he surveyed the room. “Don’t see anyone there. Looks like the life reading is to the left of you.”

 

“Heading there now.” Taking one last look, Kyte noticed something. “Hey, you see those things up there? What are they?” There was silence on the other end, and a new voice answered.

 

“Those are Yslamiri. I hauled some once. Nasty little things.” Dram sounded contemplative. “But the only reason they’re a hot commodity is because they block the Force. You might have a Jedi there.”

 

“Huh.” Kyte shut the door as he turned away. “Well…let’s see if their magical powers are what they’re cracked up to be." Moving to the left as Varn had instructed, he headed towards the other door.

 

On the floor was a woman, huddled against the wall and the generator. Her right leg looked like it had been crushed and she was riddled with scars and bruises, blood seeping from several cuts.

 

“Tarkin’s teeth! Varn, Dram get in here! She needs help.”

 

_~//~_

 

Luke landed his shuttle and shut off the power. Reaching out with his mind towards the freighter that had landed at the pad next to him, he sensed….five beings. None seemed particularly Force sensitive, and he wondered again who this person could be that they had found? Why surround someone with Yslamiri who wasn’t a Jedi? He had double checked with Corran on the way over that no Jedi were missing, none had been captured or were unaccounted for…and there were none. 

 

Stepping out, he wondered again at the ways of the Force. It was a strange coincidence that had been on Tanaab when the call had come in to the Temple, but he supposed that was the way things happened sometimes. He strode to the lowered ramp and took the offered hand of the man waiting at the bottom. 

  
“Hello, sir. Pleasure to meet you. I’m Varn.” The traders voice was rough—too much smoking, Luke guessed from the smell wafting from him—but his eyes were kind. 

 

“The pleasure is mine. I’m just glad I happened to be in the area. Not sure who this person is you found…we don’t have any missing Jedi. But either way, I appreciate you taking care of him.”

 

Varn’s face twisted in confusion. “Oh…no, sir. Its not a man. Its a lady. We picked up a distress signal in the Roche Asteroid belt. We checked it out, found her and brought her here.” He beckoned as he turned and walked back up the ramp. “Sorry for the confusion, the signal was pretty rough I suppose. Come see for yourself, but just so you know…we found her just like she is now. We didn’t do any of the hurtin’.”

 

Luke nodded, and followed him and entered a small living space. On a low pilots couch, a figure was huddled, almost completely wrapped in a blanket, eyes closed.

 

With red-gold hair and a face he had never thought he’d see again. A face he knew instantly, though he had given up on ever seeing it again.

 

“Mara?” Time seemed to stretch as his feet refused to move fast enough…it seemed that he was moving through quicksand as he dashed to her, his mind racing with questions. Was it really her? How could it be? He had seen her body….hadn’t he? Why couldn’t he feel her? What had happened?? Where had she been?

 

And then he was there, next to her, brushing her hair from her face. “Is it really you?” At the touch, her eyes jerked open from the light doze she had fallen into, and a gasp escaped her as she saw him. 

 

But there was no joy in her eyes, no relief. All he saw was fear and terror as she scrambled away as far away from him as she could, until her back hit the wall and she huddled there, shaking. 

 

“Mara!” Luke started towards her, but she held her arms up to protect her head, as if she was waiting for a blow. He stopped…mind racing. “Mara, its me. Its Luke.” She uncoiled enough to look at him from behind her hands, terror-filled green eyes fixed on him.

 

“Do you hate me?” Her voice was raspy, rough…afraid. Luke felt tears begin to fall as disbelief shook his heart. He slowly moved towards her, hands held up and open, trying to look as non-threatening as he could. 

 

“Never, Mara. I could never hate you. I love you.” She kept staring…and her eyes filled with indecision and longing, but the fear was still there.

 

“Are you going to hurt me?” 

 

“ _Never_. I’d never hurt you. I love you, Mara, please…” His voice shook as he wondered what had happened, why in the worlds she would ever think that. Finally, he reached her, and gently pulled her arms away from her head. “I promise, I would never hurt you.” He saw the bruises and scars that pocked them, and he felt another wave of agony as he wondered what had caused them. 

 

Mara just stared at him now, and he couldn’t stop himself…”Why can’t I feel you?”

 

Her eyes dropped, seemingly considering his hands wrapped tenderly around hers. Her voice was a whisper, filled with pain. “Jacen…he did this. He took the Force from me, somehow.” The revelation crashed into him like a wave; astonishment, confusion, anger. How…how had Jacen hidden this? How had he not known?

 

Pushing the thoughts away, Luke dipped his head, trying to catch her eyes again. “Can I…can I see what I can do?” Her eyes flashed up to him, unsure. “I’ll be gentle, I promise. You just squeeze my hand and I’ll stop.” She nodded slowly…and the blanket dipped and he saw the angry welt on her neck. He stopped himself from reaching out and touching her, “Close your eyes, sweetheart.”

 

She did, after casting a final terrified look at his face. He closed his as well, and stretched out towards her, slowly, cautiously. He slipped into her mind, and didn’t encounter any of the barriers that had always hampered him…there was no resistance at all. It was almost like she wasn’t even there, only the edges of her mind, the corners and boundaries were apparent to him. Mara’s hands started to tremble, but she didn’t squeeze. He could feel her fear spilling out into the spaces, joined with uncertainty, cautious hope and remembered pain. Searching, he finally found what he was looking for—the small nub nestled deep into the subconscious part of her mind. He had used it during the beginnings of rebuilding the Jedi to determine someone’s latent Force potential…but Sekot had showed him a different use for it, all those years ago. The planet’s consciousness had told him that was how Vergere had stripped the Force from Jacen, and that a similar technique had been used to blind the Yuzhaan Vong to its flow. 

 

Just as he expected, the nub was covered, almost with what seemed to be mental scar tissue. He could feel its presence, but it was muted…hidden. Opening his eyes, he squeezed her hands.

 

“Mara?” Her eyes flew open, fear still lingering in their emerald depths. “I know how to fix this…but it might hurt a bit. Are you…will you let me do that?” She stared at him for a long moment, seeming to gauge his words, and then a sigh escaped her. 

 

“It wouldn’t be the worst thing you’ve done to me.” She stroked one of the scabs on her wrist softly. “Go ahead.” 

 

Luke could only wonder what she meant by that…but took a deep breath, trying to push the thought away and focus. “Alright. Squeeze my hands as much as you want, okay?”

 

She nodded, taking his hands...and then he started.

 

It was like chipping concrete from a landing pad, like digging up tree roots one by one, like scrubbing paint from a weathered hull. He stripped away layer after layer, for what seemed like hours, but a part of his mind told him it was only minutes. Mara squeezed his hands tightly and he could hear her start to breathe faster—shallow, panting breaths. Finally, he could tell he was almost there, and her gasps became short staccato cries, barely audible. _This is it, almost there Mara. Hold on just a few more moments._ He wasn’t sure if she could hear him…their bond lay quiet, dormant. But he gritted his teeth and squeezed her hands back as he pulled away the last layer…

 

_~//~_

 

_Isitreallyhim?HowdoIknowhe’sreal? HowdoIknowheisn’tgoingtohurtme?Iwanthimtoberealsomuch. Pleasedonthurtme. Pleasebereal._

 

_I can’t think anything else…that this is finally over. Even if I die right now, if this is the last and final trick Jacen plays on me…maybe it will be worth it. Maybe I’ll actually be able to feel the Force again._

 

_I’m so afraid. He said he’d be gentle…but he said that so many times before. What’s one more try, I suppose? Its not like it would be a surprise. But maybe…maybe._

 

_His hands are warm. It’s been so long since anyone touched me with anything but hatred. His palms are that curious combination of soft and rough that I remembered. Could this really be him?_

 

_I feel him. He’s in my mind…maybe this is it…he said it would hurt. But when hasn’t it hurt? That would be nothing new._

 

_Oh gods. It does hurt…but…in a different way. It feels like he’s pulling off a scab, like he’s scrubbing something away but it feels…right. Even though it hurts, it feels different than it’s always hurt before. Maybe that’s something._

 

_Did he say something? I couldn’t hear it…it almost seemed like I heard his voice, just like I used to. Oh Luke, please be real. I just want to hear you one more time._

 

_~//~_

 

And then they were one. 

 

The Force rushed into Mara like a summer storm, filling her and surging into the corners of her mind that had laid empty and dormant for so long. 

 

But more than just having the Force back…she had _him_ back. 

 

Instantly she knew it really was her Luke. No Force Projection could pretend to have a bond like they had. She could feel his heart leap as the last vestiges of doubt flew from his mind and he _knew_ that it really was her. She felt his agony at her injuries, his questions of what had happened and where she had been, his unbelieving joy that she had somehow come back…but more than anything…she felt his love.

 

Unending, unwavering, unconditional. 

 

She opened her eyes and met his, blue as the day she left and dancing with happiness. He brought his hand up to cup her cheek, softly smoothing her hair back behind her ear. His touch was just as she remembered. 

 

“Never leave me again, Mara.” 

 

“Never.” She breathed the word like a prayer.

 

Then he pulled her into his arms and held her close, rocking, as they sobbed with joy. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

The time after Mara had been returned to the Force had sped by like a laser bolt. Luke had called for medical assistance, thanked the traders profusely and offered to pay them for their trouble. They had declined, and had departed shortly after Mara was loaded onto the gurney. 

The trip to the MedCenter was slow, impeded by traffic and a speeder crash. Luke had held Mara’s hand, refusing to let go, trapped in what felt like the best and worst dream of his life. Confusion swirled through him, a thousand questions…but he tried to hold them at bay, and simply basked in the feeling of their bond rekindled.

He tried to listen as the medics hustled around her, but it all seemed to blend together. Each time they moved any part of her, she would wince. He wondered what had happened…what on earth could have hurt her so much…but the past five years stayed walled off in her mind, and he knew better than to intrude.

Once they had reached the MedCenter, Mara had been examined quickly and the doctors had immediately prepped her for surgery. When they tried to push him away, she had started to breathe hard and clutched his hand, shaking. The doctors allowed him to stay with her as they wheeled her in, and then showed them both the small observation room where he could wait. Tears had filled her eyes as she reluctantly released him…her mind had clutched at him, terrified, as he left the room, and he tried his best to fill her with peace, and assurance that he wouldn’t leave her side ever again.

Reaching the observation room, he pressed a hand to the glass, nudging her in the Force to look at him. Relief had filled the space between them when she saw him, and he assured her wordlessly that he would be there until she woke. Only then did she allow the medics to press the mask over her face, drugs pushing her into unconsciousness, and the surgery began.

 

_~//~_

 

“Master Skywalker?” 

 

Luke jerked awake. He was sitting in an uncomfortable chair, his head tipped back. His mouth had the uncomfortable feeling that usually meant he had been snoring, and he felt a sheepish grin spread across his face. 

 

“Sorry…I don’t remember falling asleep.”

 

The medic gave him a knowing look. “Nobody in here ever does.” He turned and motioned into the surgery room. “Your wife’s surgery is complete. She’s going to be put in Bacta, and the doctor would like to speak with you. She won’t be awake when we put her in, but you may be there if you like.”

 

Luke nodded and followed the young man from the room, through a maze of twisting corridors, and through a nondescript door. 

 

Mara was being rigged into the harness that would lower her into the waiting tank. He thought for a moment how much she hated bacta, but pushed the thought aside as the doctor came beside him.

 

A distinguished-looking bothan, the doctor’s grey fir rippled as he considered the scene in front of them.

 

“I’m Dr. Ar’kya. Did your wife say anything to you about what may have happened to her, Master Skywalker?” 

 

He shook his head. “No…I have no idea. Please call me Luke, though, doctor.” 

 

“Very well. Your wife is…” The bothan’s voice petered off, and Luke turned to face him. 

 

“Tell me. I want to know everything.” 

 

Dr. Ar’kya did not move his eyes from Mara as she slowly descended into the tank and the harness was removed, leaving her bobbing peacefully, red hair fanning out around her like a cloud. 

 

“There’s no easy way to say this to you. It appears your wife was subjected to extensive torture for an extended period. Judging by the degree of healing between the various injuries, we estimate it had to have occurred over approximately nine months.” 

 

Luke felt his heart clench. _Nine months?_

 

“She has extensive damage to her nervous system, which seems to have been caused by repeated exposure to concentrated amounts of electricity, probably a wand or poker of some sort, judging by the burns. She was beaten several times—her left wrist, collarbone and several ribs were all fractured and her brain scans show signs of multiple concussions. She was given barely the amount of necessary nutrients for survival, so she shows signs of extended malnourishment. Much of the damage appears to have been inflicted by one of the IT-2 droids developed during the Galactic Civil War, which means she has low-level scarring over most of her body. It seems she has been in a state of suspended animation for the last four years, during which time her body could not completely heal from its injuries. She has a fresh break on her left tibia, which appears to have been from blunt force trauma.”

 

The doctor seemed to be steeling himself for something, though Luke couldn't imagine what could be worse than the litany just recited to him.

 

“I am terribly sorry to have to tell you this, Master Skywalker…but it appears she was also raped several times.”

 

_“What??”_

 

The room seemed to tremble around him…and then Luke realized that several of the various stands, trays and items of furniture were shaking, vibrating. He took a deep breath and pushed down the anger that was flooding through him, and the shaking stopped.

 

“I’m sorry, doctor.”

 

The bothan shook his head. “I don’t think there’s a good way to respond to what I just told you, Luke. Considering that, your reaction is expected. I am sorry to have to bear such news, but I wanted you to know so you could begin to prepare yourself for the road ahead. Your wife’s body will need a while to heal…but her mind will need even longer.” 

 

Luke scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to process everything he had heard. “How long will she need to remain here?”

 

“Probably another four weeks. She’ll need to be in the tank for probably another week to week-and-a-half, depending on how her body responds to the treatment. She may need one more surgery to remove the pins we had to put in her tibia.” He shook his head. “She suffered massive trauma. It’s a wonder she is even alive after what she endured. I expect it will be at least six months to a year before she is fully recovered, physically.”

 

Turning to Luke, he placed a hand on his arm. “I’ll have my assistant give you the comm code of our trauma psychologist. I think it would be good for you to talk to her, so you can come up with a plan of how you are going to help Mara deal with what happened.” 

 

Luke could only nod, trying to push words past the lump in his throat and failing. Dr. Ar’Kya squeezed and then released his hold, walking away. 

 

Moving to the tank, Luke pressed his hand to the clear glass. 

 

“Oh Mara.” It was all he could say as he looked at her, floating serenely. Now that all the grime had been scrubbed away, he could see the scars, burns and cuts all over her body, and his heart broke. Her mind was calm, placid…but he could only imagine the nightmares that would haunt her when she dreamt. 

 

Pressing his forehead to the tank, he let the tears fall.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Another surgery, and three additional days in Bacta later, Mara was finally transferred to a private room. Luke hadn’t left her side, though she had never been brought out of a sedated state, and had watched silently as the medics brought her out of the Bacta for the final time, cleaned her off, and tucked her into bed. 

 

Now he sat at her side, holding her hand, waiting. They said it was possible she would wake up as the drugs wore off, or that she might just sleep…which is what she did. He eventually fell asleep too, head resting next to the hand he was holding.

 

_Pain._

 

_Fear._

 

_Darkness._

 

_Screaming._

 

He woke with a jolt, leaping to his feet and moving to a defensive stance, searching for the threat. It took him a moment to realize there was no threat, nobody else was in the room, and then his attention turned to Mara.

 

She was still asleep, but _projecting_ her nightmare out into the Force with startling power. Luke felt a lump rise in his throat at the raw terror she was wrapped in, and he saw the tears beginning to roll from her closed eyes. Gently, he took her hand and squeezed, whispering her name.

 

Her eyes shot open and she ripped her hand from his, arms coming up to cover her face as she began to tremble. 

 

“Mara, its me. It’s Luke, you're safe. Sweetheart, its alright now, I promise.” She reached out to him tentatively in the Force…and he tried to fill her with the peace he was struggling to find himself. Her arms came down a few inches, and he reached up and gently pulled them down the rest of the way. 

 

“Where am I?” Her voice was cracked, raw. He reached to the side table and brought a cup to her lips, and she drank slowly.

 

“You’re on Tanaab, in the Medical Center. You had surgery, twice, and you were in Bacta.” Luke set the cup down and took her hand again. “You were dreaming.”

 

Her eyes were clouded when they finally met his, and then she looked away, ashamed. 

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was projecting like that. It’s been so long since…I could…” 

 

Luke had to hold himself back from launching into any of the thousands of questions that had been plaguing him since she came back. His talks with the Trauma Psychologist had been very helpful in giving him an idea of what to expect, and helping him realize that there were many things he shouldn’t do—like touch her too much without asking, or push for answer she wasn’t ready to give, or startle her in any way. But that didn’t mean sitting there, not knowing what had happened to her, was any easier. 

 

“Its alright.” He reached over and pressed the button to call the doctor as she laid back and closed her eyes, and he could feel her trying to tamp down the vestigial fear and panic. He wanted to ask her what she had been dreaming…but was interrupted by Dr. Ar’Kya entering.

 

“Mara.” His voice was somber as ever, and distantly Luke wondered if he ever smiled. “Welcome back. Can you tell me what you’re feeling right now?” 

 

She shifted a bit, and looked down at her hand. She had torn one of the monitors off when she jolted awake and she absently played with the tape hanging from it. “Not the worst, considering.”

 

Dr. Ar’Kya cleared his throat as he began to look at her vitals. He reached down and gently taped the monitor back onto her hand with a fresh piece of tape he took from the roll in his pocket. “Look at me, please.” She did, bringing her head up, and he took a small light and flicked it in front of her eyes. “Well, your vitals are good. Are you in any pain?”

 

She shook her head. 

 

“Good.” He consulted the data pad hanging from the foot of her bed. “I’m going to have the nurse bring you in some sleeping pills in an hour. I want you to take them, and get some sleep. Do you understand?” 

 

She nodded. Luke wondered if she found the doctor’s brusque manner refreshing or annoying…he found it to be a combination of the two. The bothan nodded at them, and left the room, but not before giving Luke a long look.

 

The door slid shut…and they were alone.

 

Mara was had resumed touching the scars around her wrist, slowly rubbing her thumb back and forth over the shiny tissue. Her sense in the Force was tense, brittle, and full of fear. Luke decided to let her make the first move…so he just waited.

“Is Ben…is he alright?” Her voice was hesitant, Luke breathed a sigh that her first question was a simple one. 

 

“He’s fine. He felt when you…came back, to the Force. He was ecstatic. He wanted to come right here, but he was on a mission and…it’s a long story, but he and some of the other knights had to go through decontamination. He’s fine, and he’ll be out in two days.”

 

But she simply nodded, and when she spoke, her voice was tired. “Did he…did Jacen turn him?”

 

Luke shook his head adamantly. “No…he’s actually the one who convinced all of us what Jacen had become. You would have been so proud of him, Mara. He was so strong.” Now a ghost of a smile flitted across her lips, heartening him. “I’ll let him know you’re awake, and I’m sure he’ll tear back here like a Bantha to water as soon as he’s out.” She nodded. He could tell she was unsure what to say next…he could feel the uncertainty in her, the hesitation, and the gnawing pain of memories she was trying desperately to keep locked away.  

 

He reached his hand out in a supplicating gesture, and she hesitantly placed her hand into his. Her eyes finally came up to meet his as he spoke.  “You don’t have to talk about it right now, if you don’t want to.”

Tears began to fill her eyes. “Thank you.” He reached up to wipe them away, and she flinched. 

 

Instantly, he stopped. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—“ 

 

She cut him off, wiping at her eyes fiercely. “No, I’m sorry. It’s not you…it’s…” A wave of pain washed over her and she closed her eyes. He saw snatches of images in their bond—darkness, and then a crack of light as a door ground open, a tangle of blood-spattered pipes, stone walls—and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to chase the fears and memories and demons away. 

 

“Hold me.” Her voice was the barest of whispers, but he heard it echoed in his soul. Rising from his chair, he sat down gently next to her and gathered her into his arms. She laid her head on his chest, and cried softly for a long time. He felt tears falling from his own eyes as he rested his head on hers, and he felt his heart break again for what he knew she had endured. Shifting, he propped his feet up and pulled her in closer so that they could lean back on the half-reclined bed. After a long while, her breaths became even, and he sensed her slipping into slumber. But her thoughts were tinged with fear at the remembrance of her nightmares, and Luke couldn’t blame her. Smoothing her hair, he stroked her face softly. 

_I’ll fight the nightmares with you, love. Don’t be afraid, I’m right here. I promise._

 

Her hand found his, and she held it tightly as she drifted to sleep.

 

~//~

 

Three days later, the tension that had been slowly building in Mara’s mind finally became too much. She knew that Luke was desperately confused at her sudden return—though she could feel that gratefulness overwhelmed any questions he had—but she knew that she had hidden from it long enough. 

 

They were sitting in her bed, watching some holodocumentary about aquatic life…and she decided now was as good a time as any. Touching the button to silence the sound, she took Luke’s hand. 

 

“What did the doctor tell you…about what happened.” Her voice was low, quiet. 

 

Luke shifted, turning to face her. He took her other hand and considered them for a long moment before speaking.

  
“They said you had been tortured for…for a long time. You had cuts and bruises everywhere, and scarring over almost all of your body from an interrogator droid. They said you were malnourished, and that it appeared you had been in stasis for a long time.” He stopped, rubbing circles on the backs of her hands with his thumbs.

 

“Anything else?” 

 

Haunted blue eyes flicked up to hers, and held her gaze for a long moment. She could sense him steeling himself, pushing through the bile that rose in his throat and trying to find a way to say the words…so she did it for him, eyes flicking away.

 

“Jacen raped me.”

 

Luke’s breath left him in a rush, and he felt tears begin to fall at the lifeless tone, the complete brokenness. Pressing her hands to his lips, he kissed them gently…first the left, then the right. 

 

“I…I’m so sorry. I wish I could go back, kill him myself for doing that, for hurting you…” He began to sob gently, and she folded him into her arms. After a moment, he took a few shuddering breaths, and pulled away, apology plain on his face. “I’m sorry love…I should be the one comforting you.” 

 

She shook her head, wiping the tears from his face and whispering, “Don’t say that.” 

 

He looked at her, and then felt it. A shadow inside her, a fear that she was trying desperately to hide…from herself or him, he wasn’t sure which. A question she didn’t want to ask. Her eyes flicked up to his, and suddenly it clicked into place.

 

“Mara…” He breathed her name like a prayer. “It wasn’t your fault. None of it was. But especially not that.”

 

She refused to look at him, and she had to strain to hear what she said. “I…I understand if you don’t feel…the same. About me.”

 

Unable to help himself, Luke gently cupped her face in his hands, and waited until she looked at him. The pain in her eyes made his heart break all over again, and he felt tears spill onto his cheeks. “No, Mara, never. I love you, I always have and I always will. No matter what.” He dropped his hands from her face and took her hands in his again. “We’ll get through this, together. I promise.”

 

Her eyes were still troubled, but she smiled for the first time.

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more recovery...and a reunion =)

_Drifting on rough seas. That’s the best way you can describe it._

 

_You’re floating on an ocean of painkillers and bone-knitters. Your body is healing—slowly, agonizingly—and all you can do is hang on for the ride. Luke is there, his spirit always twined gently with yours. Never so much to be intrusive, but enough that you know he hasn’t left. When you bob to the surface, and you open your eyes for a few brief moments, his face fills your view, blue eyes kind as he whispers how much he loves you, that he won’t leave. You try to smile, but aren’t sure if your muscles complied with your command, and then you sink back under._

 

_The pain isn’t the worst part. After all, you endured enough pain for a lifetime during your captivity, so much that it’s almost familiar. Its the dreams. The nightmares are what make your skin crawl, make you push so hard towards lucidity…because they are always waiting for when you surrender to exhaustion, to the drugs, and fall into their cold embrace. Remembering the fear, the pain, the heartbreak. Remembering being huddled on the floor, chained to the maze, unable to get away as the dark Luke beat you, kicking you mercilessly as you covered your head with your arms and try to become as small as possible. You remember Jacen, his eyes, his voice, his mind inside yours._

 

_Luke tries his best to bled the terror away…you can feel his concern as much as you feel your own fear. Sometimes the edges of your dream would seem to fade, leaving only the central aspects of it…and then that would fade too. Your heart would no longer be hammering in your chest as you relive the agony, and you would slip into a deeper sleep, thankful for the respite._

 

_Finally, you breach the surface, and you can tell that something is different. You are not being pulled back, instead it’s like you can float for the first time….and the seas aren’t so choppy, the pain is nearly gone._

 

_You try to force your eyes open, and it’s like they’re resisting, fighting against you. However, you win, and those blue eyes fill your heart with a feeling that you can’t describe. Then you realize something is different about those eyes, about their secrets and pains…_

 

_The blue eyes are framed by a flaming mop of red hair._

 

_A single word—his name—falls from your lips. You feel like you tried to shout it, but even to your hearing it comes out quiet. He stares at you, and a thousand things flash through your mind, a hundred things you could say, innumerable emotions flooding you._

 

_But all that flies away as tears fill his eyes and he collapses onto your chest, sobbing._

 

_You hold him as he cries for a long time, and you can feel that it is not a single emotion that has prompted your usually grown-up son to lose control. Ben cries for joy, that you—his mother, the person he had always felt so connected to, and so in-sync with—was returned. He cries for your suffering, for the pain you had endured and the time stolen from you. He cries in anger—that you had been taken from him, and that is coupled with guilt that he hadn’t figured it out sooner. He cries for his father, for the years of loneliness and heartache he had watched bearing down on a man he so respected. He cries as long-buried hatred boils up in him, to know who had done this to you, and to know his own part in Jacen’s fall. He cries in disbelief and half-understood fear, that somehow this would be a joke, a game, an illusion, and you would vanish._

 

_But mostly, he cries because it had been so long…so long he had wished to bury his sorrows in your arms, so long he had yearned for your spirit to wrap around him like only you could and make him feel safe._

 

_Now that he has spent his tears, he looks down at you with the trained eyes of a soldier—one who had visited too many friends in hospital beds and morgues. He looks at the small scars on the hand he held, and the smooth scars around your wrists. He sees everything…and you feel his heart filling with pain._

 

_You can’t allow that. You are his mother—nothing else is more innate to you than taking his hurts, carrying his burdens. You place a hand under his chin, and tilt his head up to yours—green meeting blue, soul meeting soul, fire meeting fire. You know the agony he feels, the weight of his own self-incrimination, because you, too, feel it in yourself. But he cannot carry that—he must know the most important thing. The thing that kept you alive. The thing you want emblazoned in his memory forever. The thing you ached more than anything to tell him while you were trapped in hell. You will your voice to be strong, to be at peace, for him._

 

“I love you, Ben. It isn’t your fault, but even if it were, I’d do it again. Because you’re my son.”

 

~//~

 

Luke was smiling more than he had in years…his cheeks positively _ached_ from it. But it was the most welcome pain in the universe. 

 

Mara had a rough time while she was sedated. Something about Force healing trances had interfered with the bone-knitters. It was almost like they were trying to heal her one way—stimulating the growth centers in her marrow to produce new tissue along the mesh framework the doctors had surgically implanted—while the Force tried to heal her a different way. Since the knitters would do it much faster, all they could do was sedate her enough that her body could rest and not feel the pain. They hadn’t been able to much for her mind, and her nightmares had assaulted her with horrible memories that he tried his best to take away.

 

But all that pain and horror was locked away now, somewhere deep inside her, because she looked happier than she had since waking up from her first surgery. Ben was sitting next to her on the bed, holding her hand and telling her stories, recounting adventures, and filling her in on all the amusing anecdotes of the past five years. She was positively drinking it up, but he could see how her eyes wandered over his face as he talked, as if she was reacquainting herself with her son, comparing her memories to what was now sitting in front of her. She would tear her gaze from Ben occasionally to look at him, and Luke could see the happiness in her eyes. The shadows were still there, he could feel them coiled in her mind just beyond the barriers. But for the moment, she felt like she was at peace.

 

Luke had never felt threatened by what Mara and Ben had together. They were so alike in so many ways…so it had been natural to love things in his son he also loved in his wife. But he had realized about a year after Mara’s death that because of that, he had never really seen the ways Ben was _different_. The many ways Ben was like him, was like Leia, was like Kam, was like Han. It wasn’t until after he had lost what seemed to be Ben’s mirror image—his mother—that he had begun to understand Ben for the man he was on his own. The totally unique and fantastic young man he had the privilege to call his son. 

 

Now, though…seeing them back together, his heart felt like it could burst. Because now that he understood who Ben was apart from Mara…seeing them together again was an indescribable gift. So many things he had forgotten over the years since he had lost her, without realizing as they slipped away. The tilt of her head when she would listen intently, the way she smiled so easily at her son, the way Ben would light up in a particular way when she would ask just the right question…it was like he was rediscovering his son _and_ his wife all over again.

 

“You wouldn’t believe some of the crazy stuff we’ve done. I thought about you so many times, of how you would handle a situation or how you would fix a problem…it’s what helped me get Dad of of so much trouble!” Ben’s laugh managed somehow to be both self-deprecating and boastful at once, and Luke caught himself grinning again. 

 

“I can only imagine.” Mara’s voice was soft, but held more than a shadow of her old wryness, her old humor, and his heart lifted. “Though I can also imagine you got into some of the trouble on your own.”

 

“Well…” His voice was light, “I am a Skywalker.” 

 

They continued talking—rather, Ben talked and Mara listened—for an hour, before he started to sense her drawing rather heavily on the Force to keep herself awake, alert, and focused. Subtly, he pressed the nurse call button, and nudged Ben, who gave him a clueless look at first, then began to shake his head. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just rattling on and you—“

 

“NO.” Mara’s voice was stronger than it had been since she woke up, and he felt her draw even more on the Force to bolster her. “Don’t apologize. I want to hear everything.” She smiled at him, and pressed his hand to her cheek, cradling it. 

 

Ben leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead, and then removed his hand to kiss both her cheeks. “Well, you need rest too. Don’t worry, I won’t go anywhere.” He sat down in the reclining chair. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

 

Mara smiled at him as the nurse injected something into the IV port in her arm and sleep began to pull at her. 

“See that you are. Because we have a lot to catch up on.”

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of introspection...

“I’ve never rested this much in my life. I hate that I have to…and I hate that I’m enjoying it.” She mumbled, throwing him a small, ironic smile as he fluffed her pillow. Settling back onto the bed, she took a deep breath and let it out in a contemplative sigh.

 

Luke kissed her on the forehead, and murmured that he loved her. She sent him a small pulse of acknowledgment and warmth before she slipped into the glassy embrace of a healing trance, her mind becoming as smooth as a pool of mercury. Luke settled into his chair, looking at his chrono. Ben was taking the opportunity to go get some food that didn’t come from the cafeteria while his mother rested, and had promised to bring him something back. He stared out the window as silence settled over the room, and he let his thoughts drift down the roads that he had been pondering frequently since Mara’s return. He was beyond thrilled that her condition had improved so much in the last few days, since Ben had arrived. She had listened to every story he had told, had asked him questions about his escapades. Pride had burned in her eyes as he had recounted their time traveling the galaxy as father and son, to know he had chosen his family over anything else. She had started making a few wry comments in with the occasional eye-roll, and Luke had felt his heart warm, and Ben’s similar feelings to see his mother trickling back. Mara had been such an empty shell since she had woken up—and he wasn’t sure what was walled off in her mind that kept her so _blank_. But Ben had brought her out just a bit…and it was enough. It was enough to tell him that she was still _there_ deep inside. 

 

That gave him hope.

 

They had agreed not to tell Ben about the extent of what she had endured. Mara had been adamant, in that blank but unyielding way that their son _would not_ know. He had inevitably broached the question…and she had told him the very basics: Jacen had somehow taken the Force from her during their final battle, and taken her to the asteroid. He had tortured her, tried everything to turn her, but had failed, so he had put her in stasis…and that’s where she had been until a piece of the ceiling had cracked and fallen on the pod, short-circuiting systems and bringing her out of suspension. Ben hadn’t pressed her, but had been consumed with such heartbreaking guilt that he hadn’t known that it had washed over them both like a wave. Mara had spent a considerable time consoling him, and attempting to convince him it wasn’t his fault. He had argued in the typical self-assuredness of a young adult that he should have…he had seen how far Jacen had fallen, had probably been closer to him than anyone for a period. If anyone should have known, it should have been him.

 

She had, in the end, cupped his cheek in her hand and looked him deep in the eyes, and asked him to believe her. She had said that she wasn’t angry, and that she wanted more than anything for him not to feel guilty, because then _he_ would have won. Ben had nodded slowly, his sense in the Force still troubled, and she sighed before asking, _Can we leave the past behind, and just be thankful we have right now? Because I won’t let him take away any more of our time together, or cloud what we’ve stolen back._ Ben had sighed, chewing on his lip, before shaking off the feeling and nodding, shutting the door to the negative feelings that were clamoring in his mind, and smiled. They had moved on to other topics, but Luke could feel the devastation swirling in her that evening at having to unearth even that shallow of a memory from her time in captivity.

 

Luke had discussed her desire to not tell Ben much with the trauma counselor—Adelay, a quiet Ithorian—and she had assured him that this was a normal response. She noted that Mara might never want to share the full details of her capture with anyone but those she felt could shoulder the burden, and as such would never feel comfortable laying such a weight on her son. They had also discussed the intense feelings of shame that accompanied such a trauma, and that it would take her time to grasp—both on an intellectual level, and an emotional one—that such feelings were baseless.

 

Taking his eyes from the window, he looked at his wife as she healed. She looked more vulnerable than he had ever seen her, pale and fragile, swathed in white sheets and a crisp hospital gown. His heart clenched in his chest as he wondered again why Mara was so…closed off from him. She had staunchly refused to speak to the Ithorian, and so he could only discuss with Adelay what little Mara had told him and what he could sense in her. They talked about his confusion at the way she would sometimes flinch when he would touch her, but then other times would be uncharacteristically clingy, trembling when he went out of her sight. He told her about Mara’s first words in the trader’s ship— _do you hate me? Are you going to hurt me?_ —and he had found himself trying to hold tears back as he recalled the way she had spoken the words. Her voice had been soaked with fear, but under that was… _expectation._ Familiarity. Almost like she was asking the question even though she had known the answer, like she had heard it a thousand times. 

 

But what troubled him most was that she had been expecting him to say _yes_.

 

Luke had been raised by simple but honorable people, and their morals were something he had always seen as ironclad and unassailable. One of the things his uncle had almost literally beaten into him was to _never_ hit a woman. He had found that out when, as a child, he had thrown one of his toys at his Aunt in a fit of rage when she tried to make him leave them to help with chores. He had never forgotten the look of shock in her eyes, or the fury in his Uncle’s. So the idea that she would even think him capable of such a thing offended and hurt him in a way that he hadn’t realized until Adelay had gently pointed it out.

 

He thought about the Ithorian’s insight about Mara’s unexplainable questions. She said that something so unexpected indicated a deeper trauma, that something so horrible had happened to Mara that her mind would make her believe such a thing was a possibility in lieu of the truth. Luke wondered again what could have been worse than what he already knew she had endured.

 

Tracing the lines of her face, he considered his wife…the person he had promised to love and protect…the person he had failed. Adelay had been deliberate to ask him questions about his own feelings, his own struggles, his own heartbreak and confusion. It was a shock that his wife—who he had mourned and cried for, who he had thought he had buried—was miraculously returned. Adelay had asked if any part of him was unhappy at her return, and he had protested almost angrily that was the farthest thing from the truth, and he had meant it. But they spent quite a while after that discussing the feelings that _were_ in his heart. Fear that she was forever changed, that she would be so damaged he’d never see the peace in her eyes when he said he loved her, that she’d never smile at him again. Anger at Jacen—fury like he hadn’t felt in years—that he would hurt _his_ _wife_ this way. Confusion and hurt at Mara’s treatment of him. But most of all, he was haunted by guilt that he hadn’t known, that he hadn’t saved her. It was eating at him: every time she would touch her scars absently, every time she woke with tears in her eyes, every time her breath hissed out when she moved and her injuries stabbed at her. 

 

All these thoughts swirled together as Luke watched her sleep, still as beautiful to him as the day they met. 

 

 

~//~

 

Mara clutched Ben’s hand, and Luke could see the pain on her face, feel it roiling in her mind.

 

Their son needed to leave. He and Ben had discussed it at length, one day while Mara had been asleep. The call had come in that the mission that Ben had recently completed—and had left him in quarantine—had rekindled, and all their work was unraveling. Other Jedi had been sent to assist….but the planetary officials had specifically asked for Ben, Luke found out, because he had saved the governor’s child from a delicate situation. They had discussed simply giving their apologies and saying that he was unavailable…but that had sat poorly with them both, considering Mara was in no danger and would be in the MedCenter for a while…and that they weren’t sure how she would take to them shielding her like that. 

 

So they had broken the news to her, and she had taken it well…but Luke could see the way she had kept her eyes riveted to his face, and how she tried to stay awake longer to spend time with him. Luke had spoken to her when Ben had left to get food to sate his cavernous hunger, softly asking her if she was alright. Her voice had shaken only the slightest as she whispered yes, but he had felt how her heart was clenched in her chest. 

 

Now it was the day. His small bag was packed, and by the door. He sat on the bed next to her, holding her hand gently, rubbing his thumb against her skin.

 

“Do you want me to stay?” Softly his words floated through the silent white room, filled with tentative care. 

 

She shook her head. “No.” Raspy still, her voice was strong, and Luke’s heart filled with awe at her fortitude. “Go be a hero.” She gave him a small smile. “I’m so proud of you.”  

 

He grinned at that. “Well…I’ll fix it so good, it’ll never break again and I’ll be right back here to you.” She nodded, and closed her eyes as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

 

At that, he rose and hugged Luke before picking his bag up. Turning at the door, he blew a kiss at his mother, and then left.

 

As it whispered shut, Luke looked back at Mara. Her eyes were closed, and a single tear was making its way down her face. Stepping back to the bed, his heart crumpled as she curled in on herself, like a flower thrown on a flame, and her mind shut him out resoundingly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just want to say thank you for sticking with me so far, things are going to start moving upwards now =) I'll do my best to make all the angst worth it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Mara finally start finding their way back to each other.

After coming out of what was hopefully her last stint of Bacta, Mara had started doing therapy to strengthen her now-healed but still severely weak body. Her shattered leg was now fully repaired, but still pained her enough to cause her to limp. Every other day she would go to the therapy room, and struggle with movements that had previously come so easily to her, starting to build muscles that had languished during her nearly five years of stasis. The most challenging task was to bring mobility back into her joints—those had suffered some of the worst damage, and the doctors had warned her shoulders and hips might be permanently affected from being restrained for so long. 

 

Luke had watched as she struggled to work the life back into her muscles, range of motion back to her joints, and strength back into her movements. Stretches, light weight training…it was all a challenge now, and he felt how it grated on her to be so weak, to find that her physicality—which she had always maintained fastidiously—was gone. But she doggedly persisted, sometimes causing the therapists to shake their heads when she did more than she should have. He knew that while she was frustrated that this was even something she had to do…she enjoyed having something that she _could_ fix. She had continued to resist speaking to him about what she had endured, and had refused in her blank way to speak to the counselor, Adelay. Luke felt like she knew she needed to…but just couldn’t face it yet. So she worked hard at her therapy, because it was something she could do without having to poke the slumbering memories that she kept so tightly locked away.

 

But every day that she didn’t have therapy, she would be brought a hover-walker and would do a lap around the medical wing—once in the morning and once at night. Luke would always come, walking next to her. He would sometimes talk to her about some of the stories the staff would tell him, or about Ben’s latest report, or about what Han or Leia or Jaina were up to. She had finally agreed to see them, and they had indicated they would try to come visit the following week. He was excited, but at the same time concerned for the visit, for Mara’s sake. They had talked about that as they walked, about her feelings about seeing them, and he had filled her in on their activities over the years. 

 

Eventually, towards the end of the lap, she would inevitably become tired. He would rest his hand on the small of her back, and sometimes she would flinch almost imperceptibly, but then immediately tamp down the feeling and send an apologetic pulse through their bond. Other times, she would wordlessly ask him for help, abandoning the hover walker in favor of him slipping an arm around her waist to support her. These divergent responses puzzled him, but he held himself back from asking and would content himself with the positives: she was recovering, and was willing to let him help. 

 

One day when they returned from her evening walk, the sun was just setting, painting her room in brilliant golds and pinks and purples. He helped her into bed, and she rolled to her side to face the window so that the fading light bathed her in its ruddy glow, peace suffusing her. Luke pulled his chair around so that they could both enjoy the sun’s final rays, and she rested her hand on his shoulder.

 

When the last of the light had faded and the stars began to come out, Luke looked back at her. A pained look had settled on her face as she stared out at the darkness. 

 

“What is it?” He asked softly, tentatively, turning to take her hand. “Are you feeling alright?”

 

She nodded, eyes staying on the sky outside the window. He felt like she might say something if he stayed quiet, so he waited.

 

“I missed sunsets. I didn’t see the stars the whole time, never saw anything but the room where he kept me. I used to think about the sun and the wind, about feeling a breeze off the ocean again. He…” Her voice caught, and she looked down. “He kept me in a pitch black room for…I don’t know how long. I was strapped to a table, and I couldn’t move. All I could do was lay in the dark. It was so _black,_ I didn’t even know if I had my eyes open or closed. I’d think about sunsets.” She squeezed his hand. “And I’d think about you.”

 

He squeezed back, wishing he could take the pain away. “You never have to go back.”

 

She nodded. “I know.” Her eyes returned to the softly-falling darkness outside the window, and he could feel her steeling herself to ask something. “Are you…I know it was a shock, me coming back. You built a new life. Do you wish…did you have someone?…because I’d understand if you did.” 

 

Luke looked at her, thunderstruck. Standing, he walked away from the bed and stared out the window, his back to her. He could feel her flinch over their bond, and her pulse of regret that she had asked before she pulled away from him. The speeders and traffic whizzed by outside unnoticed as her question galloped around his head. Running his hand through his hair— _it was getting long_ —he turned back to her, and sat down on the bed.

 

“Mara, of course it was a shock. I saw your body, I saw it disappear. I have no idea how Jacen did that but… _I mourned you.”_ He put his hands on her shoulders, willing her to look at him, silently begging her to believe him. “But that doesn’t mean that I ever let you go. I thought about you every day, missed you every day. I never even thought about finding someone else because…I’m still married to you.” 

 

Her eyes were shadowed as she met his gaze, and he tried to keep too much reproach from creeping into his words. “You’ve been holding yourself back in our bond. I can feel it, and I’ve respected it. But I want you to know, I won’t intrude into anything you don’t want to share yet, but I think if you open yourself up, you’ll know how I feel. And if you’d been doing that all along, you’d know that’s how I’ve always felt.”

 

~//~

 

 

_There was a room of stone that looked like it had been hollowed out by hand. Turning from the blank wall with the insipid slowness that seemed to characterize dreams, the rest of the room came into view, and his heart froze in his chest._

 

_She was tied to a maze of ductwork and pipes, arms and legs stretched taught at painful angles. Her brilliant hair was matted and hung around her face like a grimy curtain, and her body was a canvas of pain and suffering. Bruises formed a multicolored backdrop for angry burns, weals and lacerations, and blood slowly oozed from her split lip. Her eyes were filled with fear and longing as she looked at the door that slowly ground open, and Luke gasped as he saw who stepped through._

 

 _It was_ him.

 

_He watched in disbelief as the copy of himself stalked towards Mara, and he could feel the way her heart twisted with fear at what she knew was coming, but also felt the agony of recognition. The copy drew back a hand and slapped her hard across the face with a sound that reverberated in the small room like a thunderclap. Her head snapped back, but with a grunt she brought her face back to stare at him, a trace of fire in her eyes._

 

_“You’re not him.” Her voice sounded like it was trickling around rocks, through spaces filled with sand and gravel._

 

_“Aren’t I?” His own voice drifted to him, along with the snap-hiss of a lightsaber activating. The familiar green glow bathed her trembling form, and he could feel Mara’s resolve shudder for just a moment as the spitting blade inched its way towards her skin, then began to hiss and steam as it made contact with her flesh. Her scream slammed into him like a meteor, thrusting him back into blackness as the sound followed, echoing…_

 

Awareness flooded him as he bolted awake. His hair was plastered to his sweat-drenched neck, and his hands shook as he covered his face, blood pounding in his ears. Fragments of the dream clattered around in his head, stabbing at him and taunting. A sound drew him from his stern battle for control, and his head shot up to look at his wife.

 

She was still, unmoving on the bed in the dark room, except for her chest which rose and fell with an uneven tempo. Her face was a mask of control, and her jaw was clenched as tightly shut as her eyes.

 

She was trying not to scream.

 

In that moment, Luke decided it was enough.  Adelay had continuously cautioned him not to push Mara, not to force her to confront something she wasn’t ready to face. She had explained that most beings processed trauma in their own minds far below their own consciousness, in ways that didn’t make sense to anyone but themselves. Mara’s nightmares had seemed to fade as she healed…but now for such a dream to be holding her in a thrall so deep that it had invaded his own sleep, Luke realized that he could no longer let her fight her pain alone. 

 

Adelay might know a lot…but nobody knew Mara like he did. 

 

Standing, he walked to the bed and sat down, the surface dipping under his weight. He took her hand…and she squeezed it, fingers tightening around his. He sent a calming tendril towards her in the Force, trying to extend peace and well-being into her mind like a lifeline. She took it, and they drifted into a light meditation trance as the pain of the dream beat at her mind, pulling him in. 

 

It was like a tornado of thoughts, images, and memories that were swirling behind a glass wall. Luke stood on the outside, and couldn’t comprehend what he saw—only Mara could as she stood in the middle of the storm. In his mind’s eye, he saw her, hands outstretched as if to push away the memories as they swirled around her like a hurricane. But he could send her calm, he could give her his own strength to fight the battle. Her eyes met his briefly through the cloud of memories, and he could sense her grim determination to not be cowed, and her silent thankfulness for his presence.

 

Eventually they broke the contact, and their eyes opened and met. Luke brought her hand to his mouth, and kissed it softly.

 

“How much did you see?” Her voice was soft, almost ashamed.

 

“Enough.” Softly he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb and then covered it with his other hand. “Mara, I know I said we didn’t have to talk about it, when you first woke up…but I think it’s time we did.” 

 

Her hand began to tremble, just the slightest movement, in his…and he had an idea. “Come on. Let’s go for a little field trip. I think it’ll help.” Swathing her in blankets, he gently slid his arms under her body and lifted her up. He continued to send a steady flow of calming thoughts to her, and felt her mind tremble against a memory as he settled her in his arms and began to walk from the room. For a moment he doubted his hasty plan…but then he felt her push it away, and she laid her head on his shoulder, peace suffusing her. They entered a turbolift, and rode up in silence. The doors hissed open…into the night.

 

Cool air whistled around them as he stepped onto the roof. It had been made into a simple area for patients to get some fresh air, and look at the sky. Stars twinkled above their heads, and the glow of speeder lanes moved like lines of fire below them. A small fountain gurgled on a side table placed near a gathering of chaise lounges, the type usually found next to seashores or under a covered cabana. He gently laid her on one, tucking the blankets around her and asking if she was warm enough. She nodded, eyes closed as a gentle breeze stirred her hair, and so he sat down next to her on a chair of his own, considering the sky above them.

 

“I think sometimes it’s easier to talk if you have something to look at.” 

 

Her mind was like an ocean during a storm—choppy and buffeted with waves of pain and fear, but she unearthed a hand from her blankets and he took it gently.

 

Face upturned, she stared at the stars as they twinkled softly through the atmosphere. Her voice was soft. “You may be on to something.”

 

Luke sat, silently…and waited. He knew she could sense his confusion, and the questions milling through his mind like a tornado. There were a million things he wanted to know, a thousand questions that had been flooding his mind since she came back. He felt a gentle assent from her, almost like a mental sigh, and he asked the question that had been haunting him, that made him fear for the future.

 

“Why are you afraid of me?” 

 

Her hand stilled, fingers going rigid…and then she pulled it out of his and nestled herself back into the cocoon of blankets. Luke started to apologize, but he felt her caution him to _wait_ through their bond. She stared at the stars for a long while, until her tongue darted out to moisten her lips, and she spoke, her voice contemplative and almost conversational.

 

“You know, the funny thing is I’ve always been very good at seeing through illusions. Of knowing when something wasn’t true, even when all my senses told me otherwise. I’m good at realizing the trick and then deconstructing it, proving it to myself once my gut tells me something’s a fake.” 

 

She took a deep breath, and the timbre of her voice changed, the words coming out haltingly and with a slight tremor. “Jacen used the Dark Side to make a projection of you. I think it was similar to what Leia fought that she thought was Alema. It was…very convincing.” Her voice hitched, and she paused for a long moment, throat working. “He would send it in, and it would torture me, over and over, and the whole time I’d be hearing your voice telling me you hated me, that I was the worst thing that ever happened to you, that Ben was dead and you hated me for it.” Her eyes remained fixed on the stars above, their immovable calm a stark counterpoint to her own internal heaving. Luke felt her inner turmoil echoed in himself, his heart clenched in an iron vise of horror and tears spilling down his cheeks. 

 

“The first time it walked in…I thought it was you. I had imagined it so many times, you swooping in to save me. How you’d pick me up”—a smile flitted across her lips as the memory of him carrying her up to the roof moments ago flashed between them—“and you’d wrap me in your cloak and carry me out, past _his_ corpse.” She shifted a bit under her blankets. “But it wasn’t you. It was the worst thing, the first time it started to hurt me, I couldn’t figure out what was going on…but then finally, I did. I realized it wasn’t _really_ you, and then…” her voice became so soft that he had to strain to hear her words. “I realized that you weren’t coming.” She looked at him now, and her face pinched to see the pain he knew was written plainly across his features. Her hand came out of the blankets again, and he took it, trembling with emotion. “You couldn’t have known, Luke. Don’t beat yourself up over it. But you asked, and that’s why. I’m not afraid of _you_. I know who you are. I just have to…well, I just have to remember every time it _really_ is you.” She finished, and was silent for a long moment, just looking at the sky. Two words floated to him across their bond.

 

 _I’m sorry._  

 

He flinched at the shame that flowed with them, at her anger that he would be subjected to her weakness, and at her agony that the unwanted fear still kept her from feeling safe, despite the fact she knew it was over. He searched for the right thing to say…and then realized there wasn’t anything. No words from him would take away what she had endured. As much as his heart ached to simply take it away, or bear it himself, he couldn’t. But then it dawned on him: that wasn’t what she needed. She needed to know that _he_ hadn’t changed. 

 

Speaking slowly, emotion making his voice rough, he turned to face her, with his eyes on her hand that he held cradled in his own. “You have nothing to apologize for, Mara. I understand why…my presence would be so hard. I promise that I’ll do my best to understand, and I don’t want you to think that I’m upset. But…” He rubbed his thumb over her hand gently. “If it’s too much right now…I can leave.” 

 

Her head snapped to the side to stare at him as his gaze moved up to hers. For a long moment neither spoke, his words hanging between them like a phantom. But then she squeezed his hand with more strength than he thought she had, and her eyes came to life with a spark of their old fire. 

 

“No.”

 

Green met blue, and he felt a snap of the determination that had always made her the most daunting woman in the galaxy…and the only one for him. 

 

“I won’t let him take you, too.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara reunites with the remnant of her family...with some surprise reactions.

 

It was a cloudy day, with rain pattering softly against the window. Luke noticed Mara was playing with the tape on the back of her hand that her medical port in place. It was a tic he had learned to clue in on, as a hint that she was nervous or struggling with emotion. It was just one more way that she had changed—the old Mara had never had any nervous habits, beyond the occasional drumming of her fingers as she waited. But even that, he had suspected, was a result of boredom, rather than nerves. Now she would fiddle with the tape on the back of her hand, or pick at her cuticles. The thing that unnerved him the most, however, were her long bouts of staring into nothingness. She had never before sat, lost in thought…so deep that sometimes he would have to simply sit and wait for her to come out, even though he had said her name repeatedly. The old Mara was always thinking, always planning, either in the moment or already on to the next…but not anymore. It reminded him of how large a weight she carried, that she would become lost in the labyrinth of her own memories, her own pains. It broke his heart.

 

Green eyes flitted up to him, and she comforted him with a quick smile. He smiled back, thankfulness seeping into the space between them. She had been trying to…let him in wasn’t quite correct. Right now, it seemed like she was making a conscious effort to _not_ block him out. While it was less than what his heart ached for…it was a start. Ever since her return, she had kept a constant connection with him, but it had been very one-way. At first he had felt slightly frustrated at her action, feeling it was a bit selfish. He had ignored the emotion, and stars was he glad for that…now he understood it was just her way of constantly reminding herself that he was _real_. After her revelation that night on the roof he understood, and was grateful that she making an effort, no matter how small it was.

 

Her head lifted as a familiar presence washed over them both, and she took a quick breath that was just short of a gasp. The door slid open and Jaina barreled through, not even breaking stride as she ran to the bed and wrapped Mara in a hug. Luke stepped forward, his heart clenching in worry that his niece’s reaction was too sudden, that it had startled Mara…

 

He couldn’t have been more wrong. 

 

The two women held each other, rocking and crying and whispering things that would forever be just between them. Mara’s face held joy like he hadn’t seen since Ben had left, but more than that he felt…camaraderie. 

 

Then it struck him. Here were the only women in the galaxy who had been strong enough to defy what Jacen had become, and take the step to stop him. Mara had been the first to pierce the veil of lies, despite the absence of belief from anyone else. She had paid dearly for that courage, as had Jaina, who had shouldered the awful burden of her birthright. She had been the closest person to Jacen since the beginning of their existence and because of that, she was the only one strong enough to take him down. 

 

Two women who had dared to do what was _right_ and had paid dearly for that fortitude.

 

Jaina had always been the most forthright of the Solo children. Never one for emotional subtlety or hiding her feelings, she had almost instantly taken to the idea of Mara joining their crazy family. They had bonded immediately over piloting, and Luke knew the joy and pride that had burned in Mara’s heart when Jaina had asked to become her apprentice. He realized ruefully that for all his overprotectiveness and preparatory talks with his remaining family members…Jaina of all people would never follow any of it. 

 

At that moment, he thanked the Force she had ignored him. 

 

Mara was wiping tears from her eyes, smile lighting up her face like the candles on a Winter Festival tree. She took Jaina’s hands, and for a long moment they just stared at each other. He felt peace ripple over them both, like a long-held question was being answered, or a million-to-one bet was paying off. He could feel something _click_ into place in Mara’s heart, and the answering void being filled in Jaina’s. 

 

“Oh Mara…” Jaina said, voice slightly awed. “If anyone could pull the greatest “up yours” in history, it’s you. I can’t believe it.” She looked at their joined hands for a moment, and a shadow seemed to dim the Sword of the Jedi’s light. Luke moved towards them, and yet still could just barely make out Jaina’s words, remorse filling them with lead. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there with you, when he took you. That I didn’t see it.” Mara’s eyes shot up to meet Luke’s and then she closed them for a moment, before lifting Jaina’s chin until their eyes met. 

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask for your help.” Her eyes flickered over to Luke, and he felt her plea for his forgiveness echo into their bond. “I never should have gone without you. Either of you.”

 

He made it to them and knelt down, looking up at two of the bravest women in the galaxy. His smile was filled with the pain they had all endured, but also eternal thankfulness. “We _all_ should have done things differently. But we’re together now—that’s what matters.” Mara smiled at him, eyes full of unshed tears.

 

A grin split Jaina’s face as she threw her head back and laughed, pulling them both into a hug, and her voice was jubilant. “Force around us, Mara, I can’t believe you’re back!” 

 

~//~

 

After several hours of Jaina’s stories and laughter floating around them like a breeze, her eyes unfocused for a moment, and then snapped to Luke before moving back to Mara. 

 

“Mom and Dad…they’re here.” Mara’s hand tightened around her former apprentice’s fingers, and Jaina squeezed back encouragingly. “Don’t worry, they’re really—“ Whatever she was going to say was lost as the door slid open and Han and Leia walked into the room. For a split second there was silence, as they both stared at their long-dead sister-in-law. Han glanced at Leia, who stood frozen in shock, and then the lopsided grin they all knew well worked its way across his face. 

 

“Hey there, Mara.” His smile was genuine, filled with warmth and what may have been a tear in his eye. “Leave it to you to fool us all into being dead.” A grin quirked the corner of her mouth, and she shrugged in a self-deprecating way. But then all eyes fell on Leia, who was staring at her with an odd look, lips pressed together—not quite shock, not quite sadness, not quite happiness. 

 

She walked towards the bed, eyes riveted on her sister-in-law. Her eyes flicked over to Luke for a moment, then like a nexuu tracking its prey, her eyes locked back onto Mara until she reached her side. Leaning forward, Leia reached a hand out and rested it on her shoulder, brown eyes coming level with green. 

 

“Is it really you?” Leia’s eyes were filled with hope, but also fear. 

 

Mara reached out and took her best friend’s hands, and something passed between them. A ripple in the Force, like a current arced between them. 

 

Leia smiled, but there was a shadow over her happiness, and everyone in the room could feel it. Luke moved to her side, and placed a hand on his sister’s arm. She turned to look at him, and took a deep breath, steadying herself. Her eyes moved back to meet Mara’s, and she finally lifted her head and spoke with the bearing of royalty and the weight of a ruler.

 

“Can you ever forgive me? For not seeing it?” 

 

No one needed to ask what she meant, and all eyes turned to Mara. She was staring at Leia’s hands clasped around her own, silence stretching between them. When she met her sister-in-law’s gaze, her eyes held unshed tears and for a moment the pain in her mind and body leaked through her barriers. Leia flinched and started to pull her hands away, but Mara held them tightly, and shook her head. 

 

“There’s nothing to forgive. He was your son, and his choices could just as easily have been Ben’s. But you were his mother. If anyone _shouldn’t_ have seen it, it was you.”

 

Leia took a shaky breath, and again Luke saw the grey in her hair, the new wrinkles and worry lines, the pain in her eyes. But underneath it was strength--the face of one of the strongest women he had ever met. 

 

~//~

 

The door hissed shut, and Luke turned to his wife with a wry grin. He moved back to the foot of the bed and flopped down, bouncing a bit as his body _thumped_. Blowing his breath out, he opened an eye and looked at her. “Well, I’m exhausted, how about you?” She smiled, a faraway look in her eyes. Han and Leia had returned to the _Falcon_ , and Jaina had gone to stay with Wes Janson’s family, pleading that his sister had threatened to dismember her if she ever came to Tanaab again without seeing them. He smiled, the idea of a female version of Wes filling him with more than a bit of fear, and waited for Mara to speak. 

 

“I had hoped Leia wouldn’t feel guilty for… _him_.” Her gaze remained unfocused and far away. “Did you know?” Luke shook his head mournfully as Mara’s eyes fastened on him for a moment, but then they drifted back off into the past. “I used to think about her, you know. I would worry about what she was thinking, how she was dealing with what he had become. Anakin’s loss hit her so hard, I couldn’t imagine the pain of losing her last son. I wondered what I would do in her place, if Ben ever fell…” Her eyes came back from infinity. “I don’t know how in the galaxy she could feel responsible for…what I did.”

 

Luke shook his head as Mara settled back into the bed, and reached to push the button to lower the incline so she could lie down. Leia had also asked asked for his forgiveness in that quiet, steely way that seemed so regal but also so brittle. She had whispered she had felt so guilty for the pain that had engulfed him after Mara’s “death.” That it was _her_ son who had taken his soulmate, while she still had her own to comfort her through the pain. Luke had been too stunned to speak but had simply hugged his sister until he found the wherewithal to whisper in her ear, too low for anyone to catch but her, _the fault isn’t yours, Leia, please know that._

 

The scene finished replaying in his mind, and he looked down at Mara. Her eyes were closed, but peace had settled over her like a low-lying cloud. He could sense that no matter how painful the reunion had been, it had filled her with joy, especially seeing Jaina. The pain and hurt was still there…but for now it slumbered under blanket of contentment, white as snow. 

 

A familiar question bubbled up in his mind, one he ached to ask so he could have similar peace for himself, so he would know. The question he had been aching to ask since the day his world ended nagged at him, Mara having reminded him of it during her apology to Jaina. 

 

_Why didn’t you wake me?_

 

But his wife had drifted asleep…so he pushed it down once again. He tried to remind himself that he had gone five years with no hope of an answer. A little more time wouldn’t kill him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was REALLY hard for me. Jaina is my 2nd favorite girl in the EU, so she was a piece of cake (I think!?) But Han and Leia...oh man. They're my darn kryptonite. Any concrit is welcome, if you think anybody's OOC! Hugs!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara finally speaks to Adelay, and starts healing.

 

Her fingernails have never been more interesting.

 

The silence stretched out between the two of them—the unnerving sort of silence that begs for something to fill it—but she resisted. 

 

“What made you decide to talk to me, Mara?” Adelay’s quiet voice was gentle and soothing, but it did nothing to help her unseal her lips or meet the Ithorian’s eyes.

 

 _My damn husband and his kriffing blue eyes_. The answer echoed in her head, and for a moment her mind drifted back to the previous day…

 

~//~

 

“ _Mara, please. You can’t tell me that this didn’t affect you, and it’s not weakness that it did. It just means you're human, and you went through something horrific.” [His thumb is rubbing insistent circles on the back of her hand, as if he could charm her into it.]_

 

_“No.” [Her voice is harsh to her own ears, and she knows she is being unnecessarily brusque. Part of her whispers apologies to Luke, who is just trying to help her…and she knows she needs it. The other part of her mind rails against the idea of remembering.]_

 

_“Do you want me to come with you?” [His eyes are filled with equal parts pain and hope, doubt and faith. It’s an intoxicatingly dangerous mix that draws her in, lowers her defenses. And he knows it.]_

 

_“No.” [His eyelids lower, and an errant thought flits through her head that he has lashes most women would kill for. But then his eyes are on her again, and she feels her resolve start to waver._

 

_“Will you go for me? If you won’t go for yourself, go for me.” [She knows he can sense her starting to crumble, and his voice wavers just a bit as he strikes the final blow.] “Please. I…every time you have a nightmare it…breaks my heart.”_

 

~//~

 

Her mind returned to the sterile room with its artificially-comforting couches, and replies simply. 

 

“I ran out of excuses.” 

 

Because as much as she wants to rail against it, to protest that she doesn’t need to be here, that she’s fine, that Mara Jade doesn’t need to talk to a damn shrink…she knows those excuses are all untrue. She knows herself well enough to know the limits of her spirit, and she knows that she’s been pushed _to_ that limit—and then past it—by what she endured. The unblinking strength of the nightmares unnerve her; rather than slowly fading as time marched away from her prison, they have only become more vivid. More than that though, she feels how brittle she is—the irrational fears, the panic that clutches her heart in an iron grip whenever Luke leaves her, the way her mind pulls her back to the stone room at the slightest provocation. 

 

Adelay accepted her answer without comment, and gave the best approximation of a smile she could manage with her physiology. “Well, I’m glad you are here. What would you like to discuss?”

 

Mara waved her hand dismissively. “I don’t know. You’re the professional, you tell me.” Adelay made a huffing noise that she can only guess to be laughter. 

 

“Well, that is true. But my skills are not in dictating the discussion, but rather guiding the topics you wish to investigate.” She folded her hands on her lap. “So, what would you like to explore? Luke has told me some of what you endured, and I want you to know that you are an incredibly strong individual to survive such a thing.” 

 

Such praise seemed both comforting and offensive all at once, and Mara felt irritation skitter down her spine. “I don’t give up.”

 

Nodding her large head, Adelay’s voice took on a questioning tone. “Do you see your survival as an extension of that trait? Or something else?” 

 

“I think it means that I’m stronger than he was.” 

 

“Indeed. Being here, and taking purposeful steps toward recovery, also demonstrates your strength. Your husband has told me that you suffer from nightmares—could you tell me what you dream about?” 

 

Haltingly, Mara described her nightly torments: the rock room, the maze of pipes, the droid’s twisted tortures and Jacen’s invasion of her mind. Being strapped to the table in the dark, with nothing but echoing blackness that seemed to magnify her fears and pain back to her. The endless Force-nightmares he had left her engulfed in, that twisted her hopes and loves into evil destruction. 

 

Adelay listened, without commenting. When Mara finished, the counselor remained silent for a moment before speaking. “Your dreams, it seems to me, are dominated by what was done _to_ you. Would you say your powerlessness made your captivity worse?”

 

Mara nodded once, hands clutched into fists in her lap.

 

Ducking her head in an accepting gesture, Adelay asked another question. “Who would you have wanted to help you, were you able to pick a single being?”

 

“Luke.” His name flew from her lips like a breath. “I used to think about him, coming and rescuing me. That why…when Jacen started using a projection of Luke to hurt me…” Her words petered off. 

 

“That was particularly painful, I can see.” The Ithorian’s quiet voice pulled her out of her memories. She nodded, not trusting her voice to remain steady.

 

“Well…while I cannot take your memories I can recommend a few things that may help. Firstly, I want you to spend time thinking about your dreams. I know that is not a pleasant assignment, but instead of thinking of them as they _are_ , I want you to imagine them as you _want_ them to be. Instead of the darkness stretching out, I want you to imagine Luke bringing you a candle. Instead of the nightmares you endured in the stasis pod, I want you to imagine Luke waking you up. Does that make sense?” Mara nodded. “Good. The second thing I want you to do is before you go to sleep, I want you to _give yourself permission_ to fight back. The outcome does not matter, but you will no longer be powerless. I know that sounds foolish, but you might be surprised at how much it may change the shape of your dreams.”

 

Mara nodded again. “I’ll do it.” 

 

“Good.” Adelay reached her hand towards her intercom, but stopped, eyes focusing back. “Mara, I will warn you. The next few days, tonight especially, may be very challenging. As your mind is forced to remember what happened, it will fight against it tenaciously. Just remember, this is a normal part of the process, and will not last forever. I promise you, this will fade in time, if you let it.”

 

Resuming her exploration of her fingernails, Mara bobbed her head quickly. Adelay considered her for another moment, and then turned back to the intercom to call for Luke. When he arrived, Mara stood, movements slow, and took his hand. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and smiled at the Ithorian. 

 

“Thank you, Adelay.”

 

Inclining her head regally, she nodded. “Of course, Master Skywalker.” Eyes moving to Mara, she asked, “Will you return in three days?” 

 

She agreed silently, nodding. With a final smile full of gratefulness, Luke helped his wife towards the door and into the waiting hoverchair. As he pushed her through the halls his comlink buzzed, and he pulled it from his belt questioningly. The short textual message flashed on the screen, and he recognized the sender’s code as Adelay’s.

 

_< She will most likely have a hard night. I recommend you stay near, to help her through it.>_

 

Remembering the message later that evening, Luke pulled his chair close to her bed, and held her hand as she fell asleep. When she woke a few short hours later, eyes wide with panic and breaths struggling into her lungs through gritted teeth, he thanked the universe for the wise Ithorian as he held with his wife through her terror.

 


End file.
